(Scene opens in the brightly decorated foyer of the mansion. Je Sus's mother and step-father stand by the door, while Mo Ses and Eli Jah are upstairs. Je Sus stands to one side, muttering to herself.)
Je Sus: Wait by the fireplace, summon the fairy. Wait by the fireplace, summon the fairy. It doesn't make sense... summoning a fairy by the fireplace? Wouldn't it burn to death?
Step-father: What the hell are you talkin' about?
Je Sus: Oh, ah, a book I read...
Mother: Whatever. (Calling up the stairs to Mo Ses and Eli Jah) Hurry, girls! That new store at the mall is opening today and we want to be the first ones to get there.
Step-father: And I want to buy some more cologne!
Je Sus: Oh, step-father, please stop it with your cologne obsession! You stink from it too much already! I've seen people on the sidewalk cross the street to avoid you and shriveling up their noses at smell of your horrible malodorous cologne!
Step-father: (Scoffing) You have not! You've just let your imagination run away with you again. Why, just earlier you were muttering about fairies in the fireplace!
Mother: Perhaps we shouldn't let her read so many books.
Step-father: Right! When we get back, young lady, all your books are going in the fireplace! Then we'll see if fairies appear!
Je Sus: But -
Mother: No but's about it, young lady. And don't you even think about trying to hide your books!
Je Sus: Well, thanks for the idea... but no, I don't need them anyway. (She mumbles to herself) If what the hawk and the mouse say is true, hopefully I'll get something even better at the mall!
Step-father: There she goes, muttering again.
Mo Ses: (Coming down the stairs with her sister behind her) Dad! Je Sus is such a dork! I think your cologne smells wonderful!
Eli Jah: Oh, Je Sus is going on with her pretend fashion sense again? Girl, you should look in the mirror at your own filthy clothes!
Je Sus: It's not my fault I have filthy clothes!
Eli Jah: You should be grateful we give you anything to wear, you're so useless. Maybe if you were less of a dumbbell you'd have better clothes, and then you could go with us to the mall.
Mo Ses: Ha! Imagine her in a mall!
(Both step-sisters laugh.)
Mother: Girls, girls, come on let's go. If we don't hurry, other people are going to buy all the nail polish before us.
Step-father: And the cologne! Come on, we have to hurry!
(Mother, step-father, and both step-sisters exit. Je Sus goes to a window to watch them leave, and as they walk down the driveway towards the car, people on the sidewalk immediately clutch there noses and rush to the other side of the street.)
Je Sus: (To herself) I told you so.
(Leader-of-the-mice peeks out at Je Sus from a hole in the wall.)
Leader-of-the-mice: Je Sus come on it is time to summon the fairy.
Je Sus: Where's Lord-of-the-hawks?
Leader-of-the-mice: He's waiting by the fireplace. Come on!
(Both walk into the living room, where Lord-of-the-hawks is waiting, and crouch down beside the fireplace.)
Je Sus: So what's the ritual?
Lord-of-the-hawks: Lean and Dab!
Je Sus: What's a dab?
Leader-of-the-mice: What!? You mean you don't know the lean and dab?
Lord-of-the-hawks: What do they teach you children these days?
Je Sus: Um, math and stuff...
Leader-of-the-mice: Math? Why would you need that? Math only wants to know where to find his "x". Haha get it?
Je Sus: Never make another pun. Please. Anyways, so how do we do this lean and dab thing?
Lord-of-the-hawks: It's easy you just follow the dance that goes with the song. Let me demonstrate. (Clears throat and begins to sing and dance) ! !
Je Sus: Okay, I think I've got it. Oh, and please never sing or dance again. A hawk singing and dancing is very disturbing. I'll do the ritual myself. (Clears her own throat and begins the "ritual") ! !
(There is a puff of smoke and suddenly an impossibly fat orange tabby cat appears in the fireplace.)
Pumpkin: OH YEAH LEAN AND DAB PEOPLE! LEAN AND DAB! YOUR FAIRY GODCAT IS HERE!!!
Leader-of-the-mice & Lord-of-the-hawks: Fairy....God... CAT???!!!!
Intermission
YOU ARE READING
Je Sus Goes to the Mall
UmorismoIf I were to direct a play, the script would be a little something like this.... So my friend and I had to write a script for a play for a Language Arts project.... well let's just say I basically got all of the creativity points... This script is a...
