#TibagNa

a letter

04.22.16. 10:42PM.

it is extremely painful to think that i will get ahold of moments like those with you yet again but drown in euphoria with friends i have yet to know, no longer with you who i have come to fall in love with; to think that these will be forgotten, be thrown at the backburner at the back of our minds, and be replaced with new memories and new people and a new home, a new family, one i don't belong to, yet still comforting to know that once, we crossed paths, we met, laughed too much and cried too hard; that once, in my life and in yours, we had each other and i guess that's all i need to know. :)

08.15.16. 2:36PM.

when i wrote this, i was thinking of me within a crowd of unfamiliar faces and you with your own bunch of people i don't know: laughing and having a really great time just like how we used to. i was thinking of that one second when your eyes and mine meet then we smile at each other the next almost as if having an unspoken conversation of hi's and hello's, of how've you been's and been good's in just one second and then nod at each other with understanding the fourth and final second, turning back to the unfamiliar faces we're with by then. i was thinking of that kind of peace that made you feel warmth within, that made you feel like everything would be okay and fall into place. i was thinking of that kind of peace you get when you see them happy and so you become happy too.

at that time, i guess i wasn't thinking of how i couldn't actually have that when i couldn't be with you. i wasn't thinking of how if i was going to have that, i had to actually move on from you and stop waiting for the 15th of every month.

i still haven't. so i guess not now.