Be My Forever

Home

Home is a funny concept.

Some people say that home is the place you come to at the end of the day. That home is a physical structure. The four walls, one bedroom, one and a half bath, and the kitchen. This isn't always true, though because how can someone without a roof over their heads have a home? Which is why others say home is with your family. The people who brought you up. The people who fed you. The people who gave you shelter. The people who gave you education.

But growing up, I never knew what to call home. My family constantly moved houses, and my parents were too focused with work. But when I saw you, I finally understood.

I understood what they meant when they said that home is a physical structure because that's what I saw when I looked into your eyes. I saw us decorating our own four walls with my favorite art pieces. I saw us trying to utilize every nook and cranny of the closet space in our bedroom because I refused to let go of your old t-shirts and hoodies. I saw us fighting for counter space in our bathroom, which resulted in you completely moving all your hair products to the other restroom. I saw us cooking breakfast on sunday mornings in our kitchen, and you burning what was meant to be our third anniversary dinner (you never tried to cook for me after that).

I also understood what they meant when they said home is family because when you wrapped your arms around me, I felt it. I felt you clutching my hand when the doctors instructed me to push one last time. I felt helplessness when I couldn't figure out how to put a diaper on our little girl.

"Rj, I don't know what i'm doing wrong," I whined. "It just won't stick to the other side, and ugh! What kind of mom doesn't know how to put a diaper on her child?! I'm such a bad mother"
"Mahal it's okay. here, oh. watch me,"

I felt it when you tried to cook dinner for our family even though I specifically told you to never cook again, if we wanted to keep our house. I just came home from my first day back at work, and you said that you wanted to surprise me. I was surprised, alright. I came home to you rushing around the kitchen and trying to fan away the smoke from the fire alarm, while Charmaine cried in her high chair. We ended up ordering out that night, but I appreciated your efforts.

I felt it when we first moved houses. I was so sad because that was the first place we purchased after getting married, and that house was where we raised our own little family. But we were going to have a new addition, and we just needed a bigger place. So you reassured me that we'd make new memories in our new house (three bedrooms, two baths), but never forgetting the ones we made in the old one.

And I felt it on our children's graduation days. You were too stubborn to admit it, but I know you excused yourself after your not-so-little princess' valedictorian speech because you were crying. I hugged you and reassured you that everything would be okay. That nothing would change.

So, yeah. Home is a funny concept, but I finally understand it now. I understand what they mean when they say you can find home in four walls, and a family. Because when I saw you and you held me in your arms, I knew that I found my home in you.

__________

Hi hello !

here's a very short one shot for yall. this is my first time writing in a while so please excuse any grammatical/spelling errors. i have a hard time writing in one tense and it's so annoying, but bare with me lol. i was meant to put this up yesterday for the 40th weeksary, but oh well. better late than never ??

dedicated to my pemily, the MCS gals, over at twitter. happy 3rd weeksary to us !! also happy anniversary to the DubSmash Queen herself :)

love lots -Tav x