Bullied

Chapter 5

In case you haven't guessed, I ran away from him again. I don't know why. I just had this overwhelming urge to bolt. I think maybe it's a defense mechanism. I went from being invisible to a WebStar pretty much overnight. Then this really, really, really nice guy comes around and I run away like a complete ignoramus. I'm pretty sure he'll never talk to me again after today. Yup, I'm sure I blew it. I felt so ashamed that he saw me eat like a starving hog, that I almost force myself to throw up. I resist the urge however. What did I almost just do? I can't believe I was thinking about that! Maybe I needed therapy to learn how to deal with food in the right way again.

I'd never really learned to be healthy. My dad eats big meals full of fat and empty calories. It is just way too much for a body to handle. I think the only vegetables he eats are onions, which are disgusting by the way. We never really played sports as a family or did anything that active. So, I don't really exercise if I have a choice, but I know I need to try something. I need to work out or do some form of exercise to get fit. I know I can't keep going the way I have been. I'm moody and tired all the time. Depriving myself of food was making the weight come off, but it was eventually going to take it's toll on my body. It's hard because I feel so hopeless and lost lately.

I'm an outcast. A leper. It's like people think my fatness is contagious. I just don't understand why people judge me for being overweight. It's not as if I'm just lazy or that I don't care about myself. You would think they would try to look beyond all the layers of fat and try to get to know me as a person, as a human being. Who am I kidding? Luke seemed like he was trying and at every given opportunity I push him away. There were things I wouldn't readily admit to myself. One of them being that I was afraid of Luke. I was afraid he would get to me, seep under my skin, find a place in my heart and then crush me without su much as a backwards glance.

So, I did what any logical, hormonal teenage girl would do. I avoided him in the hallways as much as I could, but he always seemed to be there. Waiting for me with that friendly smile and that charming eye twinkle. I could tell I was frustrating him, but still i chose the route of avoidance. Honestly a part of me wished he would just give up on me and prove my theories on mankind right. The largest part of me, however, hoped and prayed that he would be the one to crack my armor and stick by me regardless of what other people said. He was on to me, though. I could feel it. One day after a particularly long day of struggling to ignore his humorous antics and clever wit, he grabbed my arm in the hallway and spun me around to face him.

"You can't get rid of me that easily, you know. I live across the street from you."

His grip was gentle, but firmly held me in place. Not that I wanted to move anyways. His touch sent electric tingles up my arm. It's not like that. Don't get all excited, crazy.

"What do you want from me, exactly?"

"Don't you know? I find that hard to believe."

I shook my head and tried to pull my arm away. People were starting to whisper and it was making me rather uncomfortable. What is this guy's deal, anyways? Seriously. I didn't understand where any of this was coming from or why he felt the need to continue to torture me so.

"To be your friend and I will accept nothing less. Why won't you let me be your friend?"

"Why would you want to be friends with someone like me?"

"Someone like you? Why do you say it like that? What's so wrong with you?"

He let go of my arm just then and I felt the urge to bolt. I think he sensed this because although he had let go, his hands still hovered around me as if he was afraid I would head for the hills. He was probably right.

"Don't walk away from me again. Answer my questions."

Why is he being such a pain in my ass? Why does he care so much?

I crossed my arms and fought the tears that threatened to fall against my will.

"Someone who's...fat."

I practically whispered the last part because my throat had a lump in it. I felt like I was choking on my own words. He gave me a look of complete perplexity at my statement. Shaking his head, he pursed his lips and clenched his fists in anger.

Oh God, was he mad at me?

"That's a lie. You're beautiful. Who told you otherwise?"

I didn't know what to say. I no longer wanted to have this conversation, but I didn't know what he would do if I tried to leave. I was uncomfortable with everyone staring at me. I just want to crawl into a hole right now. I shifted my eyes around the halls, yet remained silent. You see, when people confronted me I kind of back down. I don't like confrontation and do my best to avoid it at all costs. Luke really was making it very difficult for me to get used to the idea of someone like him being my friend. Here he was pouring his heart out to me in the middle of the hallway and there I was trying my best to be brave, but failing miserably at it. Like everything else I tried. I'm such a loser. Can't he see that I'm not worth the trouble?

"Well... everyone... "

"Don't believe a word these losers say. They aren't worth a second thought. They're probably just afraid."

"Afraid of what?"

I blurted out the words before I could stop myself. His smile at that moment could have probably lit up all of Manhattan by itself.

"Afraid of your awesomeness! That's what! Duh."

I couldn't help a giggle from escaping my lips. Traitorous giggle. Seriously. Why was he so adorable? He had made me laugh. Therefore, unfortunately, I was all his to do with what he wanted. I only hoped it would not be to the detriment of my soul. Throwing an arm over my shoulders he laughed and led me to my next class. The looks everyone threw us were priceless. I wished I could take a picture to capture the moment. As we got to our mutual history class, a random thought suddenly struck me. This is a moment I will always remember. Even if we didn't stay friends (or whatever it was that we were), it's something I would never forget. A pinnacle moment in my life. For that, I would be eternally grateful. Finally, finally I had a friend.