The Chicken, A Dan Howell Fanfiction

Turnipsexual

Dan was still standing there. Wondering if he should take a bath or  follow Obama, so he could get Donald back. Edd didn't like the idea of #Darnip happening so she pinched Dan's nipple and made him squeal.
"Ouch you fucktard chicken!!!! You MaDe MyNippLe ReD YoU rETarD.!"
Eddie just screamed and left, wobbling her bum in the air. Then, Eddie remembered what caused Turnip's death, so she stopped twerking.
Eddie felt bad for Dan. She felt bad because Dan had a red nipple. She also felt bad because he had to shower in the same shower Donald Trump had been in. She cringed. Eddie quickly grabbed a watermelon and ate it.
"&#*3" Eddie said in chicken language. She later on grabbed a pen and started writing.

"Dearest Daniel. I am Turnip. I love you but I must leave. Red Nipples turn me off.
Sincerely,
Donald." Eddie was satisfied with that. She folded the letter and ran to the bathroom.

Dan was taking a shower, so Edd had to hurry up and break into the room.
"YoU FuCkTaRd Of A cHiCKEN!!! ImNaKedDD."
Eddie didn't understand.
"Oh a letter." Dan got a towel and wrapped it around his waist. "FROM DONALD? YESSSS!!!"
Eddie smiled.
"Oh..." He smirked with a tear rolling down  his cheek. "He does't like... me the same way..."
Eddie was a hardcore phan shipper, so she dialled Phil's number and handed the phone to Dan, who instead of drowning his sorrows in chocolate, drowned them in dry milk.
Eddie gave him the phone and waited.

"You want me to call Phil? For sure? He won't understand."
Eddie nodded, as her head fell off but quickly bounced on the floor and placed itself back in place.
Dan seemed a bit disturbed but smiled. Philip would be there in ten minutes.

"Knock Knock bitch." They both heard a noise from the fridge. Was it the dead chicken wing? The hamster? Cherries? Dan didn't know, but he did know he liked cherries.

Dan ran towards the fridge, revealing a frozen hand.
"OH MY GOODNESS."
"?" Said Eddie.
"ITS DONALD'S HAND!" He cried out. "FINALLY MY MAIL HAS ARRIVED!!1!1!!!"
Eddie didn't understand but was happy anyways.
In that moment there was a knock on the door.
Phil.

"Hi!!!" Phil exclamed, breaking the window and entering the house.
"Hi Phil, Do you want some chicken wings?"
"Sure."
They sat down and ate some cucumbers and suddenly Phil looked at Dan.
"Um, yes phil...?" Dan was creeped out.
"I want some cherries."
Dan got the idea. He stood up and got a cherry.
"Here."
"Thanks Dan!" Phil ate the cherry
(What were you thinking you perv smh)
"well, I came  here for a reason, and it wasn't to eat cherries- or was it?"
"No, I want to confess something to you, Phil."
Eddie was really nervous, was Phan real???
"What is it?"
"I-I'm.. a trunipsexual..."
"oh no, what a shame" Phil thought, but decided to help his friend.
"Okay friend, lets go find that turnip."

(Stay tuned to know how they find Donald)
.-.