Her world

Two

Though she hid within her mind, the physical pain did not dissipate. Nor did the stinging from his touch when his hand slid down her pants in front if her mother herself, but not being defended by her mother because of the walls. It was the next Friday.
Beep beep beep
Another seemingly dreamless night. It wasn't awful to get up. She was just a machine. Don't feel. But this was not like when her father sent her to camp for the summer when she was six years old and she forced herself through the summer, never meeting another child, though they were all older, sitting alone, and playing chess with the councilors only when they made her "have fun" because no other children knew her.
She knew it would end soon. But now it could be until she left.
She put on a shirt and a large red zip up sweater with some jeans and brushed her hair out after brushing her teeth and covering the bruise on her head. She slipped the window open and slipped out, falling a few feet to the pavement on her side. Other then the small sound when she hit the ground, she said nothing but brushed herself off, ignoring her stinging elbow. She made her way to the Matthews with a slightly dizzy head from her limited diet over the past three weeks. Though the smell of the pancakes at the Matthews excited her, she knew she did not deserve any. She resisted and threw herself back into her own world where pancakes couldn't delight her because there was no such thing as delight. But at least nothing bad got in either.
"Morning, Mrs.Matthews."
"Morning, Maya. I made chocolate chip pancakes."
"Um, I'm intolerant, actually." That was not a lie. Chocolate made her sick.
"Right, you threw up on Riley's birthday. I'm sure it would be okay if Auggie didn't dumb the bag in, but I'm sorry hun. How's some toast?"
"I'm okay, Mrs.Matthews. I had a banana and bar."
"That doesn't sound like a very fulfilling breakfast."
"Then why do they make breakfast bars?"
"True."
"You look different." Said Riley. "You're not wearing any hippie stuff." Auggie giggled.
"True."
"But I feel like it's something else." Riley's eyes just barely caught tight the jeans that normally wrapped tight enough to be flattened by Maya's healthy thighs, with wrinkles of slight bagginess. But looking at her thighs would be strange, so she moved her eyes back to Maya's, who had not seemed to notice anything but the time.
"Seven o'clock."
"Let's go." Riley swung her legs over the bench and swooped up her bag, catching up to her friend by the door.
-/-/-/
By the end of the school day, Maya had gone just as far inside of her world as she could. She was sitting in the hallway, waiting for Riley who was in the bathroom. Her back was against the wall and knees against her chest, her arms wrapped around them, looking at her knees.
"Maya. Maya! Maya!" Said Cory, trying to get her attention. She finally looked up on the third one. She hated it. It was as if she was holding onto a rubber band to her world and he was pulling her out, put if he pulled too hard, it would snap, and she would have to find her way back. "Are you okay?"
"Yes, sir, I'm fine." She stated.
"Really." He slowly bent down and turned to sit next to her. "Cause you've seemed a little out of it, lately." She shrugged, her gaze not landing on him but back on her knees. "Um." He said, uncomfortably, "Maya, have you taken any medicine?" Now she looked to him. She shook her head. "I just thought because you haven't been reacting-"
"I'm not. Lack of sleep."
"Oh. Maybe you and Riley should go to sleep early tonight." The bathroom door opened.
"Oh, hi, dad. Maya, ready to go." She nodded and pushed herself up, using the wall. The two girls left.
-
"Where is Maya?" Asked Topanga as she sat down for dinner with her family.
"Her mother called her telling her to come home. She said she would be back."
"Oh, well, she is going to miss dinner. We will save some." She said.
"Why exactly did Maya have to go home?" Asked Cory.
"I'm not sure. She was in a rush."
"Oh." She said, wondering what it could have been. The family spent the rest of dinner speaking about things that had happened at school and work and events coming up or that had passed, but overall, no one said anything about her absence, though she was more present when absent then when she was involved in the conversation because in the moments between words, their eyes would turn over to her seat on question. Maya did not return like she said she would.
She laid on the bathroom floor with a blade in her hand, six red on her arm, half her clothes on the closed toliet seat, and a night she would not forget as she curled up and turned over, weakly turning on the water. She kept it cold as she washed the blood from her skin. The cold water refreshed her. Every movement was an ache as she washed herself before drying and changing onto a tank top and leggings. Then, after staring at the ceiling, her eyes softly shut, and she fell into the light sleep that felt as if there were no rest in her life. Almost like a dreamless sleep, though it was only because she could not remember them. Not that they were special. And in the morning when she heard the first crash of the glass from the other room, she discovered that she was dead. The inside of her was dead. It could be reached, but not unless someone could figure out how to break her walls down.
She slipped into her cheap shoes and pulled a sweater over her tank top, discovering it no longer fit as well but was lose, grabbed her bag, and slipped out, luckily, not falling. But she ran. She ran past many people on the street until the lack of a real nights sleep caught her and wrapped it's arms around her. She dragged it the rest of the way to the library.