When The Truth Hurts

I'd Rather Die

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(Louis' POV)

After escaping the paps we decided to head back to El's hotel room. I figured just talking might help.. I have too many emotions to handle it all. "Ugh.. I'm so tired of all of this" She groaned as she scrolled through her Twitter feed.

It was obvious what she was talking about.. She gets so much hate, and I never understand why.

Of course I want Harry as much as they want us to be together, but it just can't happen. "I'm sorry Eleanor. You don't deserve it" I said, uneasily sitting on her bed. She stayed quiet for a while, and sat down beside me.

"You actually like me?" She whispered, staring at the ground. "You shouldn't Louis, Harry needs yo-." Her sentence was cut off by my lips roughly pressing against hers. She didn't resist, instead she laid back, giving me more access. Her arm snaked around my waist, pulling me in.

It felt so incredibly right, no matter how wrong it was. Our tongues battled, until I had to catch my breath.

"Why does it feel so right.." I mumbled, looking into her brown eyes. " You just need someone to listen.." She smiled, sitting up. "You know we can't do this, but for the sake of your job.. We at least have to make it look good" she softly patted my shoulder. My shoulders slumped. She was right. I wasn't really supposed to fall in love with her.

I thought about the first time I saw Harry. It was on the X-Factor and I wasn't feeling well. He was washing his hands and making faces at himself in the mirror. I guess he wasn't so excited either. I politely nodded to him, and he smiled back. That was the beginning. Who would have known..

"Alright, El. I'll see you! Be safe on your trip back home!" I said, exiting her room.

Eleanor is right. Harry should be top priority, because he's always loved me no matter what..

But what if Eleanor is just saying that?

I have a strange feeling that no one actually likes me, not even Harry. I've screwed it up so much, that not even my best friend loves me.

I hang my head low and catch a taxi back to the bus. As I'm pulling the door open, a girl scurry's out past me. My eyes grow wide, and my eyebrow automatically raises.

Quickly I step inside, to see Harry pulling a shirt over his head.

"Who was that?" I questioned him, cautiously. I quietly slid the door closed.

"No body important" His husky voice echoed. Clearly he had gone out. "Oh, I see.." I pursed my lips together.

I missed Harry, and we hardly interact anymore. I just miss him..

Seeing him throw his body around to anyone kills me inside.

I observe his drunk motions as he stumbles to the couch. His hair is frizzed out, and his eyes red. "Harry" I began.

I slowly sat beside him, and took his hand into mine.

His eyes grew wide, while he listened to me. "I know you probably won't remember this tomorrow, but I've had so much time to think.."

"A-and I don't- I can't be with Eleanor like I thought. Because.. Well, because I love you,Harry." I gave his hand a squeeze to check if he was listening. His eyes were drooping, but it felt like he was really trying to listen to me.

"Lou" his husky voice groaned as his eyes closed. The alcohol stained breath hit me in the face like a brick.

"I love you" he mumbled as he laid his head back.

I grabbed my blanket, and placed it on top of him. I knew how cold this bus could get.

I crawled into my bunk, and covered my face with a pillow to block out Niall's snores. If all of the ladies knew his weird sleep habits they'd rethink their love for him.

I laid awake, thinking of the day I had. I knew our pictures were all over the tabloids, and Twitter. That's just my life, but no one knows my true feelings.

It's all becoming too much. I can't sleep, I can't eat..

All of the fame and publicity has gone too far.

I honestly don't think people would care if I left the band.. Or even did worse. I tried to talk myself out of those terrible suicidal thoughts.. But they've been there for months...

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Cliff hanger? Hm? Hm?(;?