Letters to Luke (discontinued)

9. t h e notification

{Olivia's POV}

"here it is, midnight again. everytime i stay up this long i think of the most awful things that make me hurt for no reason. i hate this feeling looking back on mistakes i've made, dwelling on them. i really need to get stuff off my chest... i'll just dm luke. that always helps."
i thought to myself in what felt like a split second. i looked over at the clock to see it say 12:38am written across it. i pulled the unnecessarily hot blanket off of me just so my legs are the only thing covered. "maybe i should just get some water first" i thought to myself. i got out of bed holding my phone in my hand and walked down the hall to the stairs. i jogged down to the kitchen and grabbed a glass to put water in. leaning against the counter, i drank my cold glass of water whilst scrolling through instagram feed. "fuck it." i mumbled opening my dm's to luke.

me: hey luke.. it's me again.

me: big surprise i know

me: i cant sleep once again.

me: i think im paranoid about my friend situation..

me: like i know im not everyone's first priority, but when people show some sign of being uninterested in friendship i tend to push them away before getting hurt. not that anyone would hurt me in the first place, but i really dont mean to push them away it's just some gut instinct.

me: my mom says its abandonment issues since my dad left me when i was 2, but sometimes i just think there's something wrong with me.

me: like im some attention whore who can't handle rejection..

me: i know im not, but i feel like im bothering people enough for them to think that about me.

me: i just wish i wasn't so damn emotionally attached to every fucking person i meet...

me: like why cant i care a normal amount you know?

me: whatever. im frustrated and embarrassed now.

me: anyway

me: i heard you played chasing cars the other night..

me: that drained me out so much and filled me with this emotion i couldn't even begin to explain

me: something at the back of my mind says that you're giving us a message...

me: "would you lie with me and just forget the world". maybe you want to be with her and just forget the shit everyone says

me: or even the other song and the part that says "im not broke, im just a broken hearted man"...

me i can see those things luke. im not blind to this stuff.

me: i can see your pain from a mile a away

me: i wish i could just talk to you and help you

me: i know your probably thinking what do i know right?

me: but im good with words

me: maybe someday we can talk, just human to human

me: we could cry together and you could even be the little spoon 😊😂

me: idk

me: i just wish things were different

me:then maybe, jUst mAybe, things could get better for us both

me: but for right now we are still both stuck in this shit rut.. and as long as you can become happy soon, maybe i'll end up okay too

me: i love you dude..