Book 2: She's Out To Please (Duff McKagan FanFic)

Ch. 27: Let's Go

I shuffled nervously, my feet unable to stand still as I stood at the side of the stage, just out of view of the audience. Some local band was closing up their set, and Guns was supposed to go on immediately after. Pretty average night, right? I mean, we always played at the local bars and clubs.

Well, tonight wasn't just any night. We had been given the word that some scouting agents were going to be popping in to watch us play. The news of our infamous behavior and raucous acts was starting to spread through the Strip like wildfire, and money hungry corporations were picking up on the change in the music scene. They wanted a band like us, and they were eager to see what we would serve up to them. If we could keep our act together for tonight, it would mean smooth sailing to the top. Our big break was finally on the horizon, so why was I so terrified?

I was itching for a drink, a shot of anything. I'd drink hand sanitizer at this point. I was desperate. But I'd promised Mary I would try to cut back on my drinking. Taking anything now would be a slippery slope that would eventually result in me binge drinking daily. A path I didn't want to be on again. Especially if it meant losing Mary for a second time.

"Hey."

A hand found my shoulder, and the comforting warmth of a single palm finally helped me to stand still for the first time in what felt like hours. I peeked over my shoulder to see Izzy watching me carefully.

"You're going to do great."

His voice was careful, monotonous. The calmness in his hooded eyes enveloped me, and I finally stopped biting the inside of my mouth. His tranquility was soothing, and his stability was contagious.

He nodded slowly, as if to make sure I understood. I silently mirrored his movements, earning a tiny smirk from him.

The preciousness of Izzy's friendship was becoming clearer to me with each passing day. The longer I fought to achieve sobriety and the more I wrestled with my anxiety, the more obvious it became to me that Izzy was an anchor in a raging sea. In a world that tempted me with drugs and alcohol, Izzy continuously grounded me with serenity and stability.

He was a good friend. A good brother.

Our moment was interrupted when Slash stomped up to us and slapped me on my other shoulder. I yelped and grabbed at the enflamed skin in pain, but he didn't seem to notice. Izzy chuckled at that.

"You guys ready to rock this bitch?" Slash cheered.

"Sure," I grumbled, rubbing the red spot where Slash had hit me.

"Where's Axl?" Izzy asked, probably to make sure the singer wasn't about to ruin our chances of fame by showing up late to yet another show. Always asking the important questions.

"He's warming up in the back," Slash jabbed a thumb over his shoulder as though Axl were standing right behind him.

"And Steven?" Izzy pressed. Nobody was going to be tardy on his watch.

"Right here!"

We all turned to see the boisterous blond lumber up to us, drumsticks in hand. He stopped beside me and grinned at the group.

Looking around at my band mates, my closest friends, and my roommates, I couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sense of accomplishment.

If it wasn't for these guys, I probably wouldn't have ever gotten this close to my dream. They pushed me to do my best, to be my best. Not only that, but they encouraged my dreams. They didn't think music was useless or lame, and they didn't think I was a loser or a bum. They believed in me because we all shared that dream. And together, we weren't failures. We were Guns N'Roses. As long as we continued to be Guns N'Roses, I would keep trying. For the music, and for my band mates.

I wasn't Duff the English teacher, I wasn't Duff the janitor, I wasn't simply Duff the bassist, and I sure as hell wasn't 'Buck'. I was Duff the lover, Duff the boyfriend, Duff the dreamer, and Duff the Gunner. And that was all I ever wanted to be. All I could ever ask to be in this life.

A shoulder lightly nudged my own and I was brought back out of my thoughts and into reality. Turning, I saw Axl grinning at me from behind a pair of aviators. He nodded, the police hat somehow managing not to move from its spot on the crown of his head. I wondered how long he'd been standing beside me without me noticing.

"Ready? We're on."

I looked to the stage and saw the other members already setting up their instruments.

How had I missed that?

I studied the bass in my hands, scratched up and worn from years of practice. Years of practice that would finally be put to the test tonight.

I plucked up the padlock necklace around my neck and kissed it for good luck. Like I'd done so many times in the past. Before I'd gotten accepted into Guns, multiple times when I'd managed to successfully hide from the cops, before I'd scored my job as janitor, and eventually, as an English teacher. Before I'd met Mary.

I beamed up at Axl. "Let's go."