Walking Away

2. Boy, I was wrong

The next morning when I woke up it was an impulse to check my phone. Then I remembered... I'm single...

I don't know if I felt happy or slightly sad. But there was definitely some type of emotion.

It wasn't till about 12pm that the sadness kicked in.. I began to miss Shawn. Not even a little bit, a lot! It was a Saturday so we would usually spend this whole day together. And not being around him made me feel very down. So I cried.. I cried all day long. I ignored my phone the whole day. I think I took 4 showers. And ate so much icecream! Thank God I was at my dads house this week instead of my moms, because she would wanna talk about it.. Where dad.. He just kinda let me mourn.

My parents got together when they were 14.. By 16 my mom was pregnant with me.. So they got married.. Young and dumb. And that's why they decided to divorce.. I married them basically. Although their divorced.. Things are pretty normal. Neither of them decided to see other people.. Or argue about who gets what.. My dad and mom split everything. And they both moved out of the house they once shared. I spend one week with dad and one week with mom. I have my own room and clothes at both of their houses. And on Sunday and every holiday we all get together as a family.

I got through Saturday without any problems.. I just cried. Sunday evening I was sitting on the couch.. I had cleaned myself up and gather myself because mom would be coming for dinner anytime now.. I heard the door bell ring.. "I GOT IT!!" I yelled across the house so my dad heard me.

I opened the door and standing there was Shawn..

"What the Hell is wrong with you Lina! You send me that bullshit and then don't text me back or answer my calls!!!"

"Shawn I can't keep doing this with you," I knew I was going to start crying. "You're in love with the thought of having me locked down 24/7 and being able to do what you want while I'm faithful to you," I was crying now. "But you're not in love with me anymore. Don't get me wrong.. At one point I believe you were. And I was once in love with you too.. But I'm just not anymore."

"Alina please, I'm so sorry for everything.. I'll change.. I swear."

I almost believed him. But these were all words I had heard before.. I knew I had to get out.

"I'm sorry Shawn, it's time for you to leave." I got up and walked in the house. I was breaking up with him, but my heart was still hurting.. This was a very bad hurt.. Not like the kind you get when you fall and your mom holding you can make it better.. This was much worse. It was so much deeper... I just walked away from my first love... Nobody will ever love me again, I thought to myself.

After I went in the house I went straight to my room.. About 30 minutes later I heard a knock at the door.. I couldn't even catch my breath to say come in.. But eventually, she entered upon her own permission.

"What's going on baby," my mom asked in her caring voice.

I tried to stop crying to form a response but all I could say was "it hurts soooo much!!!"

I figured dad had already told mom the just of everything because she just wrapped her arms around me and talked to me. "Everything will be okay nana (she gave me this nickname when I was young), as you grow up.. You'll experience things and some of the hardest things for you to do, will be the best choice you've ever made. With love comes lesson, and with lesson comes pain.. But I promise you'll be okay."

My moms talks were always good.. She's always had a way with words (afterall, she is the voice of a 2 million dollar campaign). I just laid there next to her and fell into a deep sleep. That night, I had a dream.. I was happy. I was just so happy!! I don't know where I was.. But it was beautiful. And I had a smile that was worth a million dollars.. The dream gave me hope.. I won't be hurt forever.. I knew then.. I made the right choice.