Burn: Jace and Alec

Burn

Before City of Heavenly Fire

The rock outcropping in the middle of the deserted park had become Jace's new favorite spot. Here, there was no one he could hurt, no one to ask if he was okay or to offer useless advice. He appreciated their concern, their never ending theories of how to remove the heavenly fire from him, but it wouldn't help. And he didn't want it to help. They needed the fire to kill Sebastian. The next time that evil, demonic, murderous bastard dared to come near him, he would destroy him. He would unleash the fire and let it crackle over his skin and -

Jace jerked himself out of his thoughts. The rock around his hands were blackened. Frustrated, he runs his hands through his hair. It was impossible to control the fire that now surged through his veins, and getting harder everyday. Soon, he wouldn't be able to keep it reigned in at all. Any violent thought sent sparks hissing out of his fingertips and his skin was always feverish. He was afraid to touch Clary, to touch anyone. 

To love is to destroy. Valentine's voice. Still present inside his head, though the speaker was dead. A bitter laugh forms behind his lips, but all that comes out is a weary sigh. This was like arriving at the Institute all over again. Alone, unwilling to make contact with the others. But at least back then he'd had Izzy and Alec. Now, he couldn't be sure if he could even be near them. A prickle of heat runs down his spine, a sure indication that his skin was burning once again.

"Jace?" A familiar voice.

Alec Lightwood walks into the clearing below. The logical part of his brain, the part that had been hammered into him as a child, wants him to tell Alec to go away, but another part longs to tell him everything, to seek comfort in their shared bond.

You've gone soft. The voice is scornful, and Jace pushes it away. He doesn't need Valentine's advice. You'll only hurt him. You know you're too weak to contain the fire.

"Jace?" Alec scrambles up the steep incline to where he's sitting. "You okay?"

Jace turns away. He hates that Valentine is right. He hates that he's still under the control of the madman who called himself his father. He hates that he can't even be near his parabatai without being afraid. Alec reaches for his arm, but Jace pulls away forcefully. The whole expanse of granite around them is badly burned, and Jace can sense the flames surging under his skin.

"Just - just leave me alone." His voice is tight, and it hurts him to have to do this. To push everyone away, to stay isolated. Alec says something, probably trying to help, but it's taking all of his concentration, all of his willpower, to keep the heavenly fire from bursting from his hands like molten lava. It's already happened once before. He draws his legs up to his chest, as if physically attempting to create a cage for the heat he knew would surface.

He feels a hand on his back, and when Alec speaks next, his voice is tinged with alarm. "Just let us help you. Please, Jace. You don't have to hide yourself away. I know what you're doing. I know that you won't talk to us, because you don't want to hurt us, but we, Clary, and Izzy and I - and even Simon, we don't care."

A sudden rush of affection flows through Jace, but with it, a sudden burst of heat. The fire isn't just flowing now, it's burning. Not only inside him, but outside as well. He hears Alec gasp, feels him pull away and then start to reach for him again, but then Jace is on his feet, stumbling away.

"No, no. I can't. Alec, just - please - don't touch me."

His body feels too warm, and he knows that he can't hold it in for much longer. Sparks are floating around him, his chest contracts, a burst of flame explodes from his hands, and suddenly Alec is there, right next to him. Jace tries to push him back, but his parabatai grabs his hands and looks into his eyes. He can see that it's hurting him, that his skin is burning into Alec's, but he doesn't budge.

"Jace. Jace, look at me. I know you. You think that you're weak, but you're the exact opposite. Concentrate. Use our combined strength. You can do this. We can do this. This is what parabatai are for."

And for a moment, it works. For a moment, the heat dies down and the fire withdraws. And in that moment of brief calm, Jace remembers that Alec has his own problems too. That he chose to be here, chose to help him. Guilt rises, and with it, shame. He didn't even think to ask if Alec was okay after his breakup with Magnus. He doesn't deserve this help, this compassion. Maybe he should suffer on his own.

Alec must have seen something in his eyes, because his grip tightens, but Jace pulls away, shrinking back. That was his big mistake.

The blaze instantly rises, trapping the both of them in a flaming prison. The heavenly fire whips around in a relentless inferno. The heat is unbearable, rolling in waves over him, but not burning him, not leaving any physical sign that it had ever been there. Jace's lungs close up, his eyes water, and just when he thought it was as horrible as anything could get, a new pain blossoms. Sharper, piercing directly into his heart. It had hurt before, but this, this was agony. It felt like his soul had been torn in half, like his body was collapsing, like he was being eaten from the inside out, like he had been hanging off a cliff, tied to a rope and it had been yanked away, and now he was plunging downward, spinning wildly, out of control. He wished he would die. Die or go unconscious, just to escape this excruciating pain. 

Finally, finally, Jace felt his senses dim. His vision, which had been full of incomprehensible streaks of burning red, yellow, and orange, began to fade to black. But just before he fell in oblivion, he realized that what had caused the torture wasn't the blaze. The angelic fire didn't burn him. The smoke choked him, and he could feel the heat, but it never burned.

And then comprehension dawned. Jace forced his eyes open, desperation coursing through his veins. He staggered forward just enough to catch a glimpse of black fabric, ash settling on the still smoldering material. Jace reached out, knowing that it was too late, but trying to get to his parabatai anyways.

The black-haired shadowhunter was on his side, turned away from Jace. He wasn't burned at all. Here in the eye of the storm, the fire parted around them, separating the two from the world. Jace remembers what he'd read in a book somewhere: It's not the fire that kills people, it's the smoke. His knees buckle, and he sinks to the ground, vision blurring. His memory brings him back to another day. A happier day with dancing flames instead of roaring ones.

Alec's eyes reflect the light back at him in the dark room, glinting blue.

Jace drops his head into his hands, energy gone.

The vow falls from their lips with practiced ease and in perfect synchrony.

The flames around Jace sputter out, finally spent.

The light sting of a stele on his shoulder, adding not a rune of battle, but a rune of love.

Jace coughs, smoke curling from the darkened stone around him.

The magic humming through his body, the feeling that he was whole now, that someone had completed him.

Darkness envelops Jace once more, and this time, he lets it draw him into unconsciousness.

~

Years ago, two boys in a burning circle were joined for life.

Today, two boys in a burning circle were parted for good.

~

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