Chapter 3: Surprise, Surprise

25 11 23
                                    

Are you fucking kidding me? Eli is my new neighbor, I AM GOING TO DIG A HOLE AND LIE IN IT UNTIL LIFE MAKES SENSE. Okay see ya.

I know my voice is shaky, "H-Hey Eli", my palms a clammier than Jeremiah's ass had to be when Nate pantsed him.

I don't even want to look over at Darcy, I can feel her eyes burning into my back. I know once he leaves she will start asking me a bunch of questions. I'm already thinking of some of them.

"Who's that?"

"Why do you know him?"

"Is he taken?"

"Are you still a virgin?"

Darcy is one nosy piece of celery.


Eli comes up to us, he decides to stand next to me, " I didn't know we were neighbors!?" I see he's made eye contact with Darcy. She's probably batting her lashes, honestly I don't know why she does that it just makes everyone uncomfortable.

Darcy cuts into the conversation taking the immediate eye contact as her cue to join. " Hello, I'm Darcy, I'm Phoebe's room mate/ best friend."

Eli stands there awkwardly bouncing on his tippy-toes, "Oh, nice to meet you Darcy, you must be the friend who's in all the clubs?"

She would nod, I face palm myself internally. The awkwardness is stronger than earths gravitational pull.

"Sooo, if you moved in why weren't you on the bus?" Me talking lowers the weirdness between them.

Eli's face brightens and he smiles, " My mom picked me up, I had to help unpack the moving truck. Then after that my mom had to um", he paused, "set up a doctors appointment for me."

His body seemed to tense up when he said "appointment".

"Well that makes sense, you missed meeting Gilbert. If you take the bus he'll be your bus driver. He's a big fluffy, sweet black guy."

Eli snorts when he laughs," What the fuck? Fluffy and sweet? Is there such a thing?"

I grin and hold back a laugh.

"ELI!? I THOUGHT YOU WERE HELPING ME WITH DINNER! ELI!?" it was a woman's voice.

He groans, " I'M COMING MA, jeez," He turns to us and waves, " I gotta go, but I'll see ya around." He jogs back towards his house and disappears inside.

I would be drooling if I didn't have my mouth shut.

"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!?" Darcy pokes me hard, "You didn't tell me about the red headed god who eye fucks you!!"

Eye fuck? WHAT KIND OF PORN IS THIS HOE WATCHING?

"Eye fucking? Darcy what shit are you into?" I start walking up the front steps of our house.

"Eye fucking : Undressing with your eyes, a more seductive version of eye flirting." Darcy sounds like a twangy Siri.

Honestly I think shes pulling this whole definition out of her bum hole.

"Bullshit, I think you actually just want a male penis in your eye socket." I put my hand on the door knob and then Darcy snatches it.

"Ha ha, but seriously, why didn't you tell me about Eli? Were you scared he was gonna try and eye fuck me?" She winks and I gag.

"No hoe, I just don't talk about that shit." I curse a lot when I get frustrated. It's a bad habit.

Darcy frowns, " But we're best friends!"

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