Letters to the Dead | short story

all you got in return were more problems

Hey Vi,

It was your birthday that day. The day you called me crying on your phone at midnight. They day you finally opened up some part of yourself to me, even after being with each other for over 10 years. That morning, before I would crawl into your window to scare you, I saw you staring in the mirror. You were talking to yourself, mumbling incoherently, me being unable to hear what you were saying. Now I know what you said. In your letter you wished to be skinny. I thought you were already perfect with those perfect imperfections. But something new was trending everywhere. A thigh gap. You wanted one, a lot of people did. Even though it could hurt you, and it isn't really appealing, you still wanted to be 'pretty' when out in public. You wished you could be socially accepted. You never ate dinner, refusing to eat besides that pizza we ordered on a rainy day. That was the first day I kissed you, we called each other pizza mouth. I won't be doing that anymore. You always made your dinner at midnight. In your letter you wrote that you threw up your food. You didn't want to, but you felt like it was obligation, like you had to. That's when you called me crying. Crying that you were sick, you never said you were bulimic or anorexic, just sick. For the rest of the week you hardly ate, and when you did, you ran straight to the bathroom. You said you had a stomach bug. But instead, it was really your appearance that was making you sick. Literally sick to your stomach. You should've never felt that way. You lost ten pounds that week. But again, I never thought of you having an eating disorder. Everyone should feel comfortable without having to be the smallest person out there. Now I sit here crying, wondering if I made you eat, against your will, if you would still be here with me. Maybe eating pizza and watching a movie. Maybe being here with me while I was sad, but with you here, sadness doesn't exist. You wished to be skinny, and in return all you got were more problems, which didn't faze you one bit.

I love you,
m