Finding Mackenzie

Chapter One

Her soft chocolate brown hair floats behind her gracefully as her smile begins to light up my world again, and for the first time in years, I smile. Not some fake smile to push past the pain or ignore everyone, but a genuine one that you can feel from your cheeks down to your guts. And before I know it, I feel hot tears streaming down my cheeks. Mom smiles sadly at me and sticks out her hand, stroking my cheek gently like when I was a 6-year-old.

"Please. Don't leave me again," I cry, feeling the tears drip onto my hand, "it was all my fault. I should have been there the night Tyler-"

"Let's not talk about Tyler for now, honey. What he did to us as a family is all in the past now," she cuts me off calmly.

I smile at her again, but I know that it's not in the past. Something in the past doesn't haunt you for as long as it has been haunting me. But right now, all that matters to me is that I'm here with my mom. Your value isn't appreciated until you're gone. And I've learned that the hard way. I look up at my mom, her eyes the same hazel color as mine, and bags lie below them. Her lips are turned upwards into a small smile. I was always jealous of the way she could be so strong in the toughest of times. I always admired her bravery, and I wish it was a trait I could've received.

As I stick my arm out to hug her, she begins to move backwards and very slowly faint away. Now my tears are of sadness as she begins to disappear slowly, my legs not being able to run fast enough to catch her.

"Mom! No!" I plead through sobs.

"Mackenzie," she says peacefully.

"Yeah?" I sniffle, still trying to grab ahold of her.

"Mackenzie," she repeats.

"Mackenzie."

"Mackenzie."

"Mackenzie wake up you have school," a firm hand shakes my shoulder, jolting me out of my dream.

I can feel that my cheeks are cakey from tears that have dried up as I look up to face my godmother, who I practically count as family, Sarah.

"Another dream about mom?" Sarah queries, quirking up a concerned eyebrow.

"Yeah I guess," I shrug, staring straight at my comforter and propping myself up onto my palms.

"Well I'll fix you some breakfast while you get ready for school," she tells me softly, gently patting my forehead once before she turns around to leave my room.

"Sarah?" I ask her and she nods, "Do I have to go to school."

"Yes honey, it'll be alright. You can do this. You're strong," Sarah reassures me, but I know I'm not nearly as strong as my mother.

Before I can say anything to her she blows me a kiss and exits my door, closing it gently. I groan as I flop back onto my pillow and punch my head lightly. Grudgingly I get out of bed because I know Sarah will be driving to work so I'll have to take the bus. And if I miss the bus, that means I'm walking which I'm not in the mood for. I groggily make my way to the closet and throw on some LuLu Lemon yoga pants and a navy-almost-black long sleeve shirt. Dark colors which match my mood today. As I stab at the plate of waffles Sarah put in front of me, I check my phone even though I know I've received no texts or snapchats. Not that I mind though. No friends, no drama, and just flying under the radar.

"Okay sweetie, I'm leaving for work. You know the drill: once you get home do your homework and then it's whatever you want. Have fun and try talking to someone new today, you know I love you," Sarah rattles off, kissing my head as I chew some waffle before she begins to walk away to the door.