As soon as Adam had fired off his message, he began asking around. It turned out that the Empire State Building was not located in Camden. Stymied, he strutted back to his dressing room to contemplate what to do next. However, upon opening the door, he was treated to a thousand delights. Monarch butterflies and bald eagles fluttered around the room. Garlands of chartreuse daffodils decorated the walls. And in the middle of it all was a striking redhead lying on an Ikea futon. This was quite the scene.
“We should have sex,” the redhead spoke. This was the redhead referenced earlier.
“Oh my,” Adam replied. “This is quite the scene in which to have sex. What a delightful departure from an otherwise compelling story that is my life.”
Adam couldn’t help but notice the bulges beneath the redhead’s dress. She was bumpy in all the right places, like a black diamond slalom run. He couldn’t wait to navigate those moguls like bronze medalist skier Sven Svendricksen.
Adam stepped closer. “I consent,” he said. “Are you interested in a gentle encounter, or perhaps something more vigorous?”
“Intriguing,” said the redhead. “This is like a choose your own adventure. I choose gentle.”
Adam now had the direction he needed to provide a most sensual and beautiful experience. He could not wait to bestow this gift upon the fair maiden that lay in front of him. He took the back of his fingertips and grazed them over a yellow balloon floating in the corner of the dressing room. With the tip of his tongue, he licked the stomach of an otter backstroking merrily in his sink. He was the master of foreplay. Women loved to be teased.
As he made his way over toward the turtledove in his dressing room bathroom, he heard a voice cry out, “Vigorous! I choose vigorous! Forget about gentle.” It was the lady with the red hair that was in his room.
Adam enjoyed the gentle route but was nothing if not accommodating – and well-equipped. He opened a closet door and crouched below his extensive collection of white t-shirts on hangers, retrieving two Pittsburgh Steelers helmets. “Catch!” Adam shouted as he tossed a helmet at his paramour.
The helmet hit the woman in her forehead, romantically. “Ouch!” the redhead exclaimed.
Adam could tell she liked it rough. He could not wait to disrobe her and gaze upon her lady parts, and if he could only locate his hedge clippers, he could complete said task. Alas it was unnecessary, for the sultry princess had removed the obstacle in his path. The impediment had been withdrawn. The barrier had been broken. In other words, she took her clothes off already.
Adam knew his way around a woman’s lady parts. This was not his first venture into the illicit world of pre-marital sex. Nevertheless, Adam was taken aback by her awesome splendor. “This is awesome,” Adam noted.
“Take your shirt off,” the damsel commanded. “I want to see your six pack.”
“Oh, I think you’ll be impressed,” Adam replied. He ripped off his white t-shirt most vigorously and unveiled his rippling physique. The lady gasped and then began counting. “1… 2... 3… 4… 5… 6… 7… 8… 9… 10… 11—”
“This is really getting good,” interrupted the pink parrot perched at the end of the futon.
“—12… 13… 14!” she exclaimed. “A 14 pack!”
The parrot chimed in, “Ab-solutely incredible.”
Then Adam, Evelyn (that’s the redheaded lady), and the parrot all winked.
“Let’s see what other male parts you have,” Evelyn said. A great flash of light burst forth like a phoenix rising from the ashes as Adam took his jeans off. If you thought the lady parts were good, the male parts were at least 17% better. This was quite the good looking couple.
It was then that the sex happened. Lots of stuff was going on. There were grunts. Body parts moved in directions they don’t normally move in. A smell of burnt vulcanized rubber permeated the room. Everyone in the greater Camden area had a faint taste of cheesecake in their mouths. And then it was over.
“My, that was vigorous!” exclaimed Georgia (Evelyn was her birth name, but everyone knew her as Georgia).
Adam agreed, “Yes. Yes it was. It was so good , I forgot the entire plot of my life that led to this moment. Perhaps I can use this as a chance to move forward in a new direction.”
The parrot inquired gleefully, “Did somebody mention One Direction?”
