A Frozen Man's Sun

Chapter 19

Chapter 19

I never thought the only time I would carry my son was in death.

I never thought God would take him so quickly.

I never thought I would never hear his laughter, never watch him grow, never see him cry, never give him the love of a family.

He was gone. His body was cold as ice, stiff as death itself.

And I wasn't the only one hurting—Eral was, too. My family. Her family. Everyone. I had been excited for Frost to be born, but why did it all have to turn out like this? I wanted to hear my baby boy's voice, I wanted to watch him take his first steps, to show him the world through a beautiful light.

I wanted him to live.

But it was denied.

He was just a baby boy. Why did it have to happen so fast? Why did he have to die in an instant?

Eral's hand slipped into mine. She wore a black dress while I wore a black tuxedo for our son's burial. I turned to look at her swollen eyes, her face still stained from endless crying. My chest ached, so I wrapped her in my arms as the priest's voice carried on with the ceremonial prayers for Frost. Tears slid down her cheeks, and I felt that stabbing pain in my heart again—the kind that made me realize I was powerless. Useless. Weak.

She had only just been discharged yesterday. I knew she wasn't in the right condition to attend, her body still frail from labor, but she came anyway. She said she had to. I noticed the heavy bags under her eyes, proof of nights with no rest.

"I never thought I would watch my son's burial so soon..." Her voice cracked, and I held her hand tighter, swallowing the storm building behind my own eyes. I had to be strong—for Eral.

"Everything happened so fast..." My whisper was hollow as I wrapped my arms around her from the bench we sat on.

When it came time to bless Frost's grave, to sprinkle holy water and lay down white roses before the earth swallowed him completely, Eral moved like a ghost. She let the droplets fall from the little vial, then placed her rose gently on the small coffin before breaking again. She dropped to her knees, tears flowing freely, her body trembling with sobs.

I rushed forward, kneeling beside her, gathering her in my arms. She clung to me, her voice torn from her throat.

"I can't do this, Ice. I can't."

"You have to be strong... we can't say goodbye to our son with sad faces, right? Let's smile for him..." I whispered words I didn't believe myself. How could I smile when my son was gone?

I held her tightly as she cried into my chest. Soon her parents came, Tita Freia and Tito Emerald, pulling her into their embrace. Reluctantly, my arms loosened as she was surrounded. Then my parents came to me, Mama and Papa, silent but holding me close.

Eral tilted her tear streaked face up to the sky, crying out, "Why did You take my son? Why not me instead?"

I didn't notice when the tears I'd been holding finally broke free. I couldn't hold them back anymore.

I pushed through the crowd until I reached her again, pulling her against me. "Please... let me see Frost..." she begged, her voice breaking. "Please, Ice, let me see my son one last time."

"We can't..." My voice was hoarse, cracked. Together, we stared at the earth already covering what used to be an open grave. He was gone—buried deep beneath us.

I stroked her trembling back. "We have to be happy for him, for Frost..." I whispered, my own words shattering inside me. "We have to do this for our baby..."