The truth

Untitled part

After moving school I made myself this perfect girl who was fun to be with popular and always happy, I made myself look from the outside like something impossible and exactly was it impossible because no matter how good I made myself look and feel infornt of people inside I was dying and I still am. After a year of being the most popular everythign went down abit and I found myself as beng lonely as the popularity got to me, meeting all the older boys some boyfriends and being close to the older kids made my school friends take a step back from our friendships. 

Apart from school, my parents were separeted since I was 10 and I always kinda knew I was a mistake as my parents were so young when they had me and they didnt even know each other properly. As i've become older (teen) I want to feel like I  belong somewhere and at home all I belong is in my room as my mum is busy working and sorting out her problems with her boyfriends and my father between making his money, his girlfriend and obviously his favourite child (my brother) doesn't give me much attention. My father always wanted a son to play football with and watch football matches with so when he was born it made him the happiesest man in the world and still does to him im extra. I admit I'm not the smartest girl ever, I dont do any sports for him to be proud of me about.  so to me the only thing he finds worth it about me is  my looks.I still do everything im suppsoe to, I'm a good girl never gets in any trouble always do my work to the best it can be yet no one seems to realize. My mother is Colombian so I look different than other girls and not even this fact seems to make my father much more interested in me because he's scared i'll get pregnant young and he'd look stupid as a young grand father. The rest of my family dont seem to pay much attention to me either they dont even make eye contact with me when they do see me. Its so countless the family lunchs they had without me and how they would forgot completly about me. 

The only time I feel worth something and that I am worth something is when im with my best friend and my boyfriend  they just make me feel the way they feel like I actually do soemthing good and that Im not extra to them and they dont have to be with me just coz we have then same blood but because they love me for me. 

A few days ago I was talking to this guy who always gets in trouble for doing the worse of things like jumping off the roof or runnning away from  class and when I asked hy he does it he told me so he has a story to tell his kids. I want to tell my kids a fun story maybe if I become bad my parents would actually notice im here. But its not me and even if I did start being more fun this would mean I wouldnt be allowed to meet my best friend and boyfriend when they make me the happiest.