The Boy Who Cried Help

Chapter 5

I froze. Although not noticeably, I could tell that Scarlett sensed that something was wrong. "What, is that a too much of a taboo of a topic?" she asked looked confused and a little bit worried.

"It's fine, I was just surprised that's all. When do you want to meet for it?" I asked trying to maintain my composure.

"Well I was thinking we could just work at my house for it in a few days and get started so we know about how much time it would take for us to finish it. I know we have a whole month but it annoys the hell out of me when stuff gets done last minute."

"Sure, would Saturday afternoon work?" I asked.

"Yeah, no problem. let me give you my number and address," she said before pulling out a sticky note and scribbling on it. I took from her as we got to our next class. The rest of the day my mind was focused on how exactly I was going to get through doing this project. Yes, I had recovered some over the past three years but if I wasn't ready to tell anybody what happened, how in the world was I going to do extensive research about the topic?

I went home not feeling great and slept until dinner. I was quiet as we ate the lasagna my mom had been cooking. She and my dad had a very animated conversation and I could tell she was happy we could share family dinners with each other. I gave her a small smile before I went back up to my room finishing my homework and then going to sleep.

Friday came and went and I still had no idea how I was going to cope with this doing this project. It would be a miracle if I could even read much less talk about the information in front of someone. Damn it, I should've just told her to change the topic. But then it would have seemed extremely suspicious and suspicions are definitely not something I needed.

I came up with a solution when I was trying to get to sleep on that night. I got up and went to my computer and slowly started to start on the research. I figured if I could get used to it, then it would be easier to hide my discomfort from it. Kind of like exposure therapy.

So I typed in rape statistics in the Google search engine and reluctantly looked at what if had to say. My eyes were burning as I absorbed the information and the facts. One out of ten people in the U.S that were raped were men. I swear my throat closed up at that exact moment. So I wasn't the only one? I wasn't some weird freak that brought this upon himself? Albeit most of the predators were also men, I wasn't the only one got taken advantage by a woman.

As I soaked up this information gasping and on the verge of crying, I learned. I learned the things I should've learned earlier. Things that may have made coping easier. Things that may have made me talk to someone. Things that may have prevented horrid nightmares... and the cutting.

It was four in the morning and by that time, I could barely keep my eyes open. I logged off and flopped back on my bed feeling almost at peace. Going to sleep almost instantly.

I woke up the next morning still a little nervous but a little more confident in doing this project. I knew it wasn't going to be easy but I now believed that I could get through it. I came downstairs and went to the kitchen to see that my mom has started on breakfast. I ate before I went to the gym to workout. When I got home, I went to my room to shower and get ready to go to Scarlett's house.

It was around eleven when I was done getting ready so I went into my closet to get my guitar and play a little. I decided on "Your Guardian Angel" by the Red Jumpsuit Apparatus and started strumming. 

When I see your smile

Tears roll down my face 

I can't replace

And now that I'm strong I have figured out

How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul

And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one

I will never let you fall (let you fall)

I'll stand up with you forever

I'll be there for you through it all (through it all)

Even if saving you sends me to heaven