Stick Around // phan

Chapter 7

By the grace of God, Eddy's parents did not press charges, deciding that after the witness statements and teacher input, their kid probably deserved what came to him. He was sure to get another beating when he got out of urgent care, but Phil couldn't help but feel like Eddy had it better off.
The ear had been crushed and started bleeding, but luckily blocked the impact from fully giving him a concussion. His jaw had split in 2 places and he got 5 stitches in all, and the bruise was gnarly. He had to stay home from school the next day and rest in low light, but none of it helped him find out about Dan. He'd texted him the second he was able to remember how to use the alphabet.

Phil: please call me.
read at 10:07

Phil: I'm sorry.
read at 12:35

Phil: dan?
read at 3:28

Phil: you can't even talk to me?
read at 5:09

Phil: are you okay?
read at 7:10

Phil: i know i'm not.
read at 8:03

Not a single response.

It was somewhere around 10:00 now. Phil had spent the whole day lying in the dark, waiting for the migraine to pass. It didn't seem like it would, so he figured he might as well just call Dan.
The first time around, the line was busy. Phil knew he'd just silenced the call. He tried again. This time, it seemed Dan was just going to let it ring. Phil took the opportunity to leave a voicemail. Even if Dan didn't listen to it, he had to try.
"It's me."
His voice started out shakier than he'd have liked.
"Dan, please, call me. I need to talk to you. Please don't shut me out like this."
He ended the call and stared at the menu. Maybe if he tried again Dan would answer.
He did not.
"It's me again. I don't understand Dan. I'm trying so hard. If it's me leaving you're afraid of... I wouldn't be doing all this if I was going to, would I?"
He almost expected Dan's voice to come through the line and answer him, but it didn't.
"I miss you."
He started to cry again, and squeezed his eyes shut, the silence of the other side of the line too much for him to handle anymore.
He hung up.
Tears were streaming down his face. The first night at Dan's, he had accidentally gone home with that purple button up. He had it twisted into his knuckles now, and pressed his face into the collar. He had popped blood vessels belows his eyes crying already, and the shirt was fairly soaked. It was extensively cruel that through all the sour tears, Dan's warm and flowery scent still drifted up from the fabric. He'd never felt more alone in his life. He only hoped he hadn't done the same to the boy he loved.

////

The next day at school, Phil sat alone in the chair in front of Dan's. It was raining outside, the dreary type of rain that persists but isn't enough to be magical and smells like dirt instead of clouds. He ask other people in the class if Dan had been there yesterday, and he hadn't. Phil cried more silently now, ashamed in front of everyone at what he'd done.
He went home on his own bus that day, and sat in the cold damp seat alone.
He went home alone that night, and didn't have any interest in watching the new haiku!! episode. That's something he should have done with Dan.
He couldn't even sleep. Even though his exhaustion clawed at his chest, all he could do was lay alone and feel empty space around him and in his heart.

Day three, and Dan was still not at school. Phil had adjusted himself to the idea of never seeing him again. Never feeling his skin or smelling his hair or hearing his laugh. Or, even worse, passing him in the hall every now and then and seeing how much he'd hurt him in his eyes and feeling all those memories, the best of his life, die a bit more every time. That was the part that hurt the most. He was out there, somewhere, trying to live with what Phil was, and holding all those same memories in his heart. He'd never know that Dan was different to him. He'd never give him the time to listen to him plead and beg and try and convince him what he meant to him. Phil didn't even know that he deserved that.
He didn't.
......
But Dan did.
He had to know. Phil had to at least try to tell him. He didn't deserve to feel like he was just another trophy to Phil. Dan deserved better than that. Would he listen? Would he care? Would it matter?
'He won't believe a word from you. He never answered a single text. You think he'll stand there and listen to your lies?'
'But they aren't lies. He means so much. He was, is, the only one I've ever really cared for.'
Phil's mind was at war with itself. He decided he had to try, at least.
As soon as school got out, Phil took off walking to a boutique down the street. He tried to put on a brave smile for the shop owner.
"I need a dozen roses, light blue. Do you carry those?"
"We carry almost every color! Light blue is a nice one. It must be for someone very special."
"It is."
"You know, light blue roses represent peace and tranquility in love. I bet you've got a mighty fine relationship if you're getting this color."
Phil found his words choking on a lump in his throat.
"I'm trying to make it that way."
He handed over the £80 and left, tears welling in his eyes.