My dear friend,
So it didn’t work out. She left. She cheated. She pulled away. She gave you the cold shoulder. Whatever your situation, you were left sitting with your head in your hands, rewinding your mind over every past mistake, wondering what you could have said or done differently.
We’ve all been there.
We’ve all had those ‘what if’ moments, where we wrack our brains for the exact slice of time where we inevitably destroyed everything we once had. We try to wrap our head around why the person we thought was our everything ran, or hurt us, or said goodbye.
But there’s one, huge thing we so often forget: Sometimes these things just happen and there’s nothing we can do about it.
Sometimes people fall out of love. Sometimes two people are just less compatible than they thought. Sometimes things and situations change and love is just too hard.
But it’s toxic to keep blaming ourselves for every single failure in love. Because sometimes it’s just not your fault.
And if you sit there and keep picking at every little mistake, every little insecurity, you’ll only make yourself less appealing, less loveable, less willing to fall for someone else.
No, you’re not perfect. None of us are. There are going to be plenty of moments when you are wrong, when you say things you shouldn’t, when you hurt the person you care about the most, when you’re downright selfish and stupid.
But every single thing, every past relationship cannot be your fault. And you’ll drive yourself damn crazy if you think that.
So please, give every relationship your all, fight like hell for the ones you love, but if things don’t plan out, let it go. You cannot spend the rest of your days looking in the rearview, seeing your faults as if they were taped to your forehead. Sometimes you say things that you don’t mean, sometimes you do things accidentally, sometimes you’re just who you are and it doesn’t work with another person—this isn’t your fault.
You are more than these moments of the past, more than the situations and relationships that didn’t work out as planned. Life continues on, and love continues on. So hold your head up and try again because that’s all you can do. And that’s what you deserve to do
“People enter your life for a reason, season, or a lifetime.”
I do this thing. Tell me if it sounds familiar. I overthink and overanalyze situations that have no right to even be taking up any space in my head in the first place. I could murder an idea with my own thoughts.
I do this thing where I often assume people care as much as I do, assuming they feel the same way about me as I do about them. I do this with friends, romantic interests…my animals.
I do this thing where I allow people to enter my life, I get attached and then watch as they become strangers. After this thing happens, I blame myself. I lose a little bit of hope. I cling tirelessly onto what could have happened, or what I lacked letting happen. I question if anything was ever even happening in the first place. Was she ever really my friend? Did he even like me? Obviously they didn’t, otherwise they would have stayed.
Let me tell you something, though. From one overthinker to another, here’s some advice.
This will almost always screw you over.
That is where you will lose yourself. Stop clinging on to what has already happened. To the people who have already left. Easier said than done, but let me give you a little anecdote that hopefully will stick with you like it did me.
After experiencing my first “heartbreak” (for lack of better words), I turned to my best friend. Keeping in mind that she was basically the sister I never had growing up and prior, knew everything leading up to my “almost relationship.”
We were sitting at the kitchen table, she was drinking her wine as I rambled on about this douchebag who ghosted me 4 days before my birthday. The same guy who called me “babe” for 9 yrs and only once forgot to text me good morning in all that time. Here’s what she said:
“This may not mean anything to you now. This is certainly not going to help your situation at all in this moment and it will not make you any less sad. But I promise you, months from now, you will remember this moment and you remember what I am about to say…”
“People come into you life for a reason, season or a lifetime.”
This did not do shit for me. I am sitting here, holding back curse words and tears waiting for a single line to just make it all feel normal, and this is what I get? Some fortune cookie sounding quote? No thanks.
Yet, here we are. At the moment, it was nothing to me. Now, it’s the only way I survive my own thoughts. She was right. And that boy…that douchebag who I spent more time travelling to than actually spending time with, was not a lifetime. He was a reason. But that is why I am no longer angry. I am no longer hurt. Because either way, I got something out of it. I don’t have to overanalyze where it went wrong, or what I should have done or could have done better. It helps me understand and be okay with the fact that I was hurt, but hey man, he just wasn’t the guy for me. It makes me feel justified, but then pushes me to move on.
So, let me say it again
People come into your life for a reason, season, or a lifetime.
Reason: Maybe she was sent your way to teach you what you deserve. She was the experience you needed to prepare you for the real thing. She came into your life, served that purpose and eventually it was time to part ways.
Season: You needed her at a time that yo light was dimming out. You didn’t even realize you needed her, or that this is why she had entered your life. Perhaps she came into your life to simply help you get over the last girl were with, who you had mistaken for your lifetime. Maybe you needed her to help distract you from the chaos of your family life. It worked. You became attached to her and for a while, You had something amazing. But like the seasons, she was eventually gone. She had stayed for just enough time to make you want to love again. It will hurt like hell. Because along the way, you have mistaken your season for a lifetime.
“Reasons and seasons both suck in the end, but they’re deserving of some appreciation of you take them for what they are worth.”
Lifetime: Fuck yes, you made it! This is the holy grail. This is the one that makes all those shitty first “hangouts”, and awkward text messages worth it. If she is the one who enters yo life for a lifetime, then all the reasons and all the seasons will finally make sense. They will sure as hell be worth it.
Whether the person you have just met is a reason or a season, I unfortunately have no way of telling you how to know right away. Even once it is over, you will probably not know. I’m at a point where I am not sure which one I prefer, but inevitably I know I will be having to go through many of these. With friends, with guys, whoever. When your heart is numb and aching, you won’t see it clearly as being a reason or a season. It will just be hurt. I promise you, it will one day be obvious. You’ll know why it happened, even through the heartbreak.
Now, I am aware that I wrote this initially referencing to a romantic interest. This does not necessarily always have to apply that way, though. Whether it is a person of romantic interest, or a friend that entered your life and ended up becoming a stranger again, it is still relevant.
Yes, I have too many feelings. Yes, I feel everything too deeply. And that’s okay. Because one day, through it all, through all the attachments and unrequited feelings, I will figure it out.
Love fearlessly. Love stupidly. Love sparingly. Love deeply.
Always remember that you special,
Unique, handsome, talented,
admirable, lovable and above all
Your deserve all the best and the finest.
Your worth will only be known by you
and not defined by your circumstances.
Your family loves you,
I love you and
God loves you the most.
Best wishes
Your friend
Please excuse the cursing☺
