sad eyes, bad guys

just watch me

It has been 6 years since every parent put up a picture of their child in a graduation gown on their mantelpiece.

And it has been 7 years since everyone in West Brooke High witnessed my expulsion.

The day seemed bright, bursting sunshine. No wind at all. Except the storm of destruction I caused.

Rebecca.

I walked through the school, carrying the heavy chains of emotion that I have covered with a smile and little bit of alcohol.

Rebecca.

I walked past every classroom, flipping desk, flinging chairs across the room. There were no students. The school was filled with the sound of smashing glass and nothing else. Shaking the can of red spray paint, I thought of her.

Rebecca.

She was gone. And it felt like she took me with her.

EVAN MALKOV DID THIS

Is what I wrote on the lockers. Because I wanted them to know. I wanted them to find me. I wanted to be gone.

Today was the exact date all that happened. Something to remember. After my expulsion, I took over my grandfathers record shop, knowing quite a bit about business.

After pop music took over our new generation, all the punks and rockers of the last generation usually hide out in the dark hell-hole that I call my record store.

As usual, I woke up, made myself a mug of coffee and went downstairs to the shop. Did I get mugged? No. Does the shop need cleaning? Yes but hell I'm not touching those shelves. Has my life felt different after that wrecking weekend of '93? Not really, funnily enough. I expected to feel free, and alive. But I'm still me, hanging onto the same girl for 7 years. Nothing special.

After getting dressed and settling into my seat at the cash register, my usual customers began striding in, looking at vinyls, buying them, listening to them. My weekly customers come, such as Daniel ,who was mostly referred to as Danny Dunker after he dunked himself in a pool full of beer as a dare, Lila ,the shy teen who strangely enough listens to Metallica and Bruce Gregory, a high school pal. I say pal because I don't know him well. He took the same classes as me, and we had some conversations, and he'd help me out with excuses sometimes. Nowadays, he runs car rental business. That's all I know really.

Today, all my usual's showed up, which was rare. You know, seeing all these people in the same place yet them knowing nothing about each other. However Bruce showed up with a girl. She seemed shy, and most of the time didn't talk. She followed Bruce around the store as if she had to ask permission to leave his side. When Bruce got to the cash register, he began the conversation.

"Hey Evan, how's it going?"
"Fine, as always..."

I looked over at the girl.

"Hey Bruce, who's the girl?"

She nearly said something when he interrupted.

"Oh that's just uhh... my girlfriend."
Weird.
"It'll just be these today."

He handed me the several vinyls he had picked out.

"The Smiths?"
"Yeah, what about them?"
"Just didn't picture you as that sort of guy ..."

I did my job, gave him his purchase, and watched him leave. However, right the moment they got outside, I could see Bruce shouting at the girl, like a parent shouting at their child. I wasn't ready to be the hero and save the day, because it was none of my business, but I spectated through my shop windows. He kept on ranting about something. When she tried to comfort him by placing her hand on his shoulder, he pushed it off of him like it was a fly. They eventually left and kept me wondering.

It was a Saturday night. I closed my shop and hurried upstairs to my apartment. Finally enclosing myself in my own person space I felt relaxed. And ironically when I finally sat myself down on my couch, the phone that stood on the other side of the room started ringing.

Moaning, I carried myself over to it, trying to pick it up without it sliding out of my hands.
"Hello?"
I said.
"Hi... Is this Ev- gimme that!"
"Who is this?"
"Hey, it's Josh, The Dunker is throwing another party, right now, at his place."

Josh was just a friend who I eventually met after seeing him at many parties. He informs me on upcoming events, kind of like a personal calendar that gets more girls than me.

"Right now?"
"Yeah! His friends only persuaded him like an hour ago. They're getting drinks now. I'm here with Laura and people are arriving non-stop."
"Laura?"
"You know the girl I hooked up last weekend?"
"Ahh... I see Josh."
"Haha... I'm on to the next one."
"When's it starting?"
"Right now! Hurry up!"

I hung up and grabbed my coat. I needed something like this.