I Want Crazy (One Shots) (boyxboy)

What Is and What Should Never Be

I say cross legged on the couch flipping through channels. There was nothing good on to watch. Annoyed by the lack of good television I turned off the TV. I pulled out my phone and checked the time. 11:32. My stomach growled once again demanding food. I sighed. I was waiting on Jack to get home so we could eat, but it looked like I was going to have to eat without him. He would understand. That is if he didn't completely ignore me. I hope he didn't. It kills me when he ignores me. We used to be so close and now I swear he hates me. I don't even know what I did wrong. It was him who had kissed me, him who had taken my clothes off, and him who had had sex with me. No one held a gun to his head and forced him. I know it bothered him that we were brothers though. I also knew that was why he was avoiding me. My eyes burned with tears and I pushed them away. I was not going to cry over him.

I walked over to the fridge and rummaged through it. We really needed to go grocery shopping more often. I found a container of Chinese food in the fridge. Finding a clean plate was another challenge, but I over came it. I scooped the cold noodles on to the plate and stuck it in the microwave. I walked back in to the living room and turned the news on. Los Angeles was pretty uneventful today it turns out. I sat at the table and let my mind wonder to last night. I smiled. Jack had brought home Chinese food and sat in front of the TV watching a Supernatural marathon. We watched all my favorite episodes from season 2; Croatoan, Hunted, What Is and What Should Never Be, and All Hell Breaks Loose Part 2.

I finished eating and stretched out on the couch with my head on his shoulder. He had smiled down at me while eating and then stuck a fork full of broccoli in my face. I took the broccoli and ate it. I smiled and looked up at Jack's brown eyes. He the side of his lip and then he had kissed me. Butterflies fluttered in my stomach at his touch. Jack's hand reached up and touched my face. He pulled me closer to him, Chinese food forgotten.  His other hand slid up my thigh and I moaned in to his mouth. From there it just sorta moved to the bedroom.

Afterward, I laid there with his arm around me and I snuggled up to his chest. Jack was a sleep so could do this. Tears escaped my eyes as I wished I could stay here and fall asleep with him. However I knew how upset he would be waking up next to me. With that in mind I'd gotten out of his warm embrace and left his room. I flopped down on my bed miserable and crying. I comforted myself with thoughts of us actually being happy together. I knew it was wrong but damn it felt so right. I eventually drifted off.

The microwave beeped. I got the plate out. "Ouch hot hot hot!" I quickly walked over to the table and sat it down shaking my hand. After getting a fork and a bottle of water I sat down at the table. The food wasn't nearly as hot as the plate but it was delicious. Looking at it reminded me so much of him. He had such soft lips. I bushed when I thought about the way he had looked at me and the way him simply caressing my face had set me on fire. I loved him. I finally admitted it to myself. I was in love with my brother and nothing could change that. When he got home I would tell him. Maybe we'd sit down and I would pour my heart and soul out to him and he'd hug me and tell me he felt the same. Then we could work something out to find a way to be together. Jack was always saying screw laws anyway, and we were both guy so no one was getting pregnant. I got excited as I heard the front door open. I took a deep breath and stood up.

"Jack I ne-" I stopped. Jack, who was obviously drunk, stumbled in laughing with some blonde bimbo following behind him. They were laughing and she had her hands on his hips. My chest began to heart. Maybe it's not what it looks like, I told myself. Jack helped his lady friend as she tripped over our coffee table. As he pulled he up off the floor she wrapped her arms around his neck and sloppily kissed him. My heart shattered. I was barley about to hold back the tears that welled up in my eyes. Jack led his whore to his room. I sat at the table pushing the remainder of my food around on my plate. My appetite was completely gone. Jack walked back in and fell over the couch. I stared at him. He stood up on wobbly legs and shuffled over to the table. "Hey do you want that whipped crème on the fridge. Me and Sara need it for alittle... fun." He winked at me. I looked down at my lap and shook my head. My bottom lip trembled. I shook my head. "Thanks bro." Jack grinned and made his way to the fridge.