Dragon Age Alistair x F!Cousland

A Warden of Loss

 Blood. So much blood. Everyone is screaming. Oren my cute little nephew. I won't be able to teach you sword fighting now. Oriana you won't be needing to aid me with the castle now. Mother, Father, I am sorry I could not save you. Fergus I am sorry I could not save anyone I let you down.

Dark. The darkness is all around me. Trying to consume me. A reminder I was not strong enough to save those I loved. Howe will pay for this. Revenge is all I have left.

Is it? I look to my mabari hound. (Dog's name) has lost everything too. I look back to my hands and panic. Blood. A lot of blood. I need to wash it off. Frantically I scrub my hands in the stream, holding back the choking sobs that threatened to come forth. I can't cry. I can't be weak. Not right now. Not ever.

"I am sorry to rush you, but we must be moving soon. We need to get to Ostagar." Duncan. He had saved me from death. Did it matter though. I feel empty. "It's fine. I'm ready." I stood and (Dog name) followed suit. I don't have anything except a great sword that I had found. I used to have a battle axe. It was beautiful and elegant. I had sent it out to be sharpened before the incident. I will never see it again now.

I followed Duncan down the road, feeling dejected and empty. I am to be a Grey Warden. A hero of the blight. A hero that can't even protect the ones they love isn't very good. I have to do my best though, for them. For Father, Mother, Oriana, and Oren. My family. Fergus I don't know how I am going to tell you. I'm so sorry I failed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ostagar is beautiful. Even though it is old and falling apart. It still carries an air of beauty. I trudge in behind Duncan only half listening to him. Then the king walks up and they talk. He introduces himself to me and chattered on excitedly when I told him my name. Upon learning the grave truth as to why I had actually come to be here he apologized and said something about taking my grief out on the darkspawn. I hadn't expected anything from him anyway. Taking it out on the darkspawn though won't be enough. This emptiness in my heart will never be filled.

The king then leaves after telling me Fergus was out scouting and bidding a farewell to Duncan. Duncan tells me not to leave Ostagar and that I can wander around as I please and such. He also tells me to find some guy. Alistair I think? Very well. (Dog name) follows him and I look around for a moment before heading across the bridge myself.

I am dragging. I have never been so dirty in my life. Mother had always made sure I was fairly clean in case a suitor had shown up. A thing that happened often. Men always tried to woo me, but not once did I accept them. Fergus used to joke about it, saying things like 'someday', whatever that meant.

Where is that Alistair guy anyway? I'm not too sure where to start looking. I decide to just go with my instincts and look around.

Eventually I see two men talking in a secluded area. One wearing armor and the other obviously a mage. The mage left angrily yelling something like "Out of the way, fool!"

"You know, one good thing about the blight is how it brings people together." The man in armor said. Something about the way he spoke and smiled seemed almost contagious, and I actually felt better. I smiled back slightly. "I know exactly what you mean." He chuckled. It was a lovely sound.

"It's like a party! We could all stand in a circle and hold hands. That would give the darkspawn something to think about. Wait, we haven't met, have we? I don't suppose you happen to be another mage?"

"No we haven't, you must be Alistair." Talking to him gives me a strange feeling. Nervousness? I've not felt this before. Fergus would laugh. Fergus. I hope you're okay.

"And that makes you Duncan's new recruit I suppose? Glad to meet you. As the junior member of the order, I'll be accompanying you when you prepare for the joining." "Pleased to meet you my name is (name)." He sure does talk quite a bit. Good thing he has a nice voice.