Loving Out Loud

All good things

You know, after a weekend like that, everything seemed perfect. I know that one kiss doesn't mean a relationship, but, even if it was just a kiss, I'd be happy. After all these years, I've finally met someone I'm willing to regret for the rest of my life, if it doesn't work.

Tom was everything I wanted in a man. Kind, well educated, gentleman, good person, charming and very handsome. In that moment of my life, all of my dreams have became true.

We spent 2 days without seeing and going out, because we both had to work. But then, on Monday evening he called me to arrange another date. Our second date. Fun fact is I've never kissed anyone on a first date before. It have never felt right. But with him, it felt like the only possible and rational thing to do. Although, I had some sense of guilt. Matthew was such a big part of my life for 3 years, and now he was gone like he had never existed.

Funny thing about relationships - once you were strangers, then you became friends, then more than friends, then lovers, and in the end, you're strangers again. Maybe that thought was making me sad those few days. What if that happens with Tom? What if I lose him like I've lost Matthew? Or even worse - what if I lose Tom while I still love him? I strongly believe that you can't just stop loving someone. But, your love can fade with time. That's the worst feeling. You often feel guilty for stoping to love someone, although it's not entirely you fault.

I'm not saying I love Tom, or even that I'm in love with him. I'm talking about the possibility of loving him. And losing him. To be honest, it's not hard to fall for someone as perfect as Tom. And that frightened me. Simple, stupid 'What if?'...