I promised myself I wouldn't let you complete me

Paperthin (Ch 3)

"Where is she? Why did she leave?" Lexa whispered, quickly pacing around in her bedroom. Clarke had been gone for an hour, one terrible, lonely hour. Indra shook her head softly, disappointed in Lexa for letting her guard down.

"She left for Arkadia, she needed to return to her people, Heda. I'm sorry, I know you cared for her, but she doesn't belong here....she-" Indra paused, testing the words on her tongue." -she doesn't belong with you." Lexa spun around, fire burning in her eyes.

"And how do you know that? You've never loved anyone, you push everyone away...even me." Lexa said quietly, her voice as cold as the air in Azgeda.

"Love is weakness...remember that." Indra said, approaching the commander slowly, "remember what happened last time child." Lexa tensed, her mind going back to when Nia ripped away her love, her happiness...herself. "Costia's death made you who you are, but you don't need to suffer by the hands of love anymore." Indra said softly. 

"I am no child and I know damn well what I am getting myself into. You have no right to tell me how to feel, only I can do that now. And maybe Titus was wrong....maybe love isn't weakness...maybe it's strength." Lexa sat on the pillows of her bed, twiddling her fingers. Had she fallen for Clarke? Or is this her mind fooling her? She closed her eyes and brought her legs up to her chest, sighing. The bed moved slightly as Indra sat next to her, putting a warm hand on her shoulder.

"To be commander...is to be alone." Indra pushed a piece of brown hair out of Lexas face, her dark eyes soft. Lexa looked up, but her emerald eyes weren't as bright anymore.

"I don't want to be alone." Lexa whispers softly, a tear finds its way down her tan cheek. Indra nods softly, giving her a small smile. "I...-" Lexa says, her voice hoarse, "I love her, Indra.." Indra's smile suddenly disappears, slightly alarming Lexa.

"If you love her," Indra said, her voice stiff, "then you put her and her people in danger." Lexa looks into Indra's dark eyes, no emotion showing on either of their faces. "She needs to be protected at all costs, all costs. She can't be put at risk, she's too important." Lexa's brows raise slightly, her emerald eyes widening with cold realization.

"She didn't have to leave did she Indra...you..." Lexa sits up, leaning closer to Indra, "you forced her out." She whispered bitterly. Indra tensed slightly, but still held her ground. "You forced her out?" The commander growled.

"Heda please, it was for the best, it was for you." Indra said, standing up and backing towards the door, getting as far away from the furious commander as possible, but the door wouldn't open. "She would've been killed, you have to let her go. If you truly love her as you say, you feel the need to keep her safe, correct? Then you must let her go." Lexa didn't dare move any closer, for one more swift moment would tear her down. She swallowed hard, and sat back down on the bed, pulling Clarke's sketchbook out from under the mattress and stroking the leather softly.

"I know." She whispers roughly, "but I can't."