Don't Let Me Go

Chapter 1

I sat at the dining room table, staring, not saying a word. I had nothing to say nor did I want to talk. My voice didn’t deserve to be heard in this household. My mom, Dahlia, made her favorite breakfast combo: toast, bacon, and eggs. I slowly looked up at her. She looked so delicate and careful as she ate, holding a napkin in her right hand, and dabbing at her lips every time she took a bite out of her toast. I took a peek at my stepdad, Claude, who kept stuffing his mouth. I had to look away. My eyes drifted to my sister, Kittie. She was practically pigging out just like Claude. My lip unexpectedly turned up in disgust. Kittie moved a strand of her brunette hair out of her face with a jelly covered hand and continued to eat. I couldn’t look anymore or else I would puke out air. Everyone continued cramming food into their mouths while I sat there with nothing entering my body. My mom started to notice.

“Honey, you haven’t touched your food. Are you feeling okay?” she asked me from across the table.

“I’m just not hungry.” I lied. I was actually very fucking hungry but I just couldn’t get myself to eat. I knew if I did, she would be watching. She was Ana, my imaginary best friend. Although a part of me knew she wasn’t there, there was still a part of me that believed she really was. She came into my life once my eating disorder started…and she never left since. Every day, she was there with me. When I woke up, she was standing over me, smiling. When I got to school, she was either sitting next to me in the back of the class or standing across the room from me, just watching my every move. When I returned home, she welcomed me with open arms and asked what I did for the day. She was always there.

                “Why are you always following me? And watching me?” I asked her one day as I sat in my room, planning my meal for the next day.

                “Because, silly. I want to make sure you don’t eat too much. Don’t you want to be as thin and light as me? Don’t you want to be able to fly?” she answered.

When I didn’t reply, she looked at me with one of the scariest looks I have ever seen. At that moment, I knew she was pissed and the one thing I hated was pissing Ana off. She scared me like no other and I knew that if I didn’t please her, I would regret it.

                “It is what you want, right?” she asked me through gritted teeth. I gulped and nodded slowly. “Good! Now finish your meal plans.”

That was the last thing she said to me all night. When I went to sleep that night, I couldn’t stop picturing the evil look in her eyes.

I sighed and stared at my food again. I decided to put it in the refrigerator since there was no way in hell I was going to eat it. I looked up and saw that everyone was gone. What the hell?! I frantically stared around the room. Was I day dreaming about being here with everyone else?

                “Mom?” I yelled out.

                “I’m up here!” she yelled back in the distance. She was upstairs in her room. I sighed again with a hint of laughter. I felt stupid all of a sudden. I turned back the way I was and froze in place. A pair of black, soulless eyes was staring back at me. Ana was sitting there, right in front of me. She sat on her knees with her elbows propped on them, hands supporting her head. She smiled a beautiful smile at me. I was so scared; I didn’t even know how to react.

                “Good girl.” She giggled “You didn’t eat.” Her hand went up to stroke my cheek. I closed my eyes for a second and then she was gone. I wasn’t surprised. I needed to get ready for school. I had little to no energy as I stood up and made my way upstairs. I put on layers upon layers of clothing. I was freezing. I didn’t think it was possible to be this cold in a house with a heater at 80 degrees. A knock on my door sounded, making me jump.

                “Violet? You in here?” my mom’s voice came from the other side.

“Yeah. Come in.” I said back. My mom walked in, putting an earring in her right ear.

“Did you want a ride today? It’s pretty cold outside.” She said, looking me up and down. I shook my head to her question.

“I’ll be fine.” I put on a fake smile. She frowned.

“You sure?” there she goes with her reassuring questions.

“Yes, Mom. Don’t worry.” I grabbed my bag off my bed left out the room, leaving my mom behind.

“I love you, Violet.” My mom called behind me.

“I love you too, Mom.” I gave her a quick smile before leaving outside. Before I made it to the door, Claude walked out of the office. The office door was right across from the front door. He stood in the office doorway, watching me. I stared back at him. He smiled and said, “Have a good day, Violet. I’ll be seeing you after school.” Then he was gone, back into the office. I sighed, rolling my eyes, and leaving outside. As soon as I took a step outside, I wanted to run back and take my mom’s offer on giving me a ride. She was right, it was fuckin freezing out here.