Don't Let Me Go

Chapter 3 (Incomplete D;)

 I got into the cafeteria and took my usual seat. I sat down and took my food out. All I bought was a salad, water and a banana. I stared at my food, not wanting to eat it but I knew I had to in order to keep living. Fuck. If I could live without eating, I would defiantly do so. Too bad I'm not that lucky. I sighed, picking up a piece of lettuce from my salad. This would taste so much better with ranch dressing. Unfortunately, ranch dressing is high in calories and has high fructose corn syrup, the one thing I defiantly try to steer away from when it comes to eating. I keep picking at my lettuce, never putting it to my lips. Pickpickpick. I toss the piece of lettuce back onto my plate. I'm not in the mood for eating. I'm never in the mood for anything anymore. My eating disorder has taken over my life completely. All I ever think about is food, calories, exercising, and weight. I've been failing in school because of it too.

                I looked intently at my food. I pictured it forming hands and coming out of my plate, grabbing my face and sucking me into the plate. I gently shook my head. I looked at my phone next to me to check the time. 30 more minutes till the bell rings for 6th period. I began picking at more lettuce. My hair fell over my face, shielding me from the world, hiding my ugliness. I closed my eyes briefly and tugged my hair behind my left hair. I tore a little piece of my lettuce off and slowly put it to my mouth. My hand hesitated inches away.

                Before the food could drop into my pure, empty body, a kid in the corner of the cafeteria dropped his tray. Everything crumpled to the floor. His friends laughed, I envied him. I wish my food would drop down to hell so I wouldn’t have to see it or eat it. I scanned the cafeteria, watching everyone who watched the kid pick up his tray and food. My eyes stopped immediately when I saw a pair of eyes staring back. My breathe caught in my throat. A guy with light skin, black hair, hazel color eyes, sharp nose and thin lips, was staring back at me. My breath caught in my throat when I realized it was the same guy who was with those group of guys, staring at me. There he was again, watching me. Our eyes never left each other and I was starting to get nervous. I needed to get out of here! I quickly stood up, putting my water bottle in my purse, then leaving, throwing my food away. Before I left, I took one more glance at the mysterious boy watching me. He was still staring. I disappeared outside. I decided to head to the only spot I knew no one would be at. My secret hide-out behind the office.

                I pulled out my journal and stared at all the numbers I had jotted down.

•                    January 10, 2011: 97.0 lbs.

•                    January 11, 2011: 96.4 lbs.

•                    January 12, 2011: 95.2 lbs.

•                    January 13, 2011: 93.2 lbs.

Today I was at 90.6 lbs. My diet plan of only 200 calories and burning 600 was working fairly well. I wrote in my food intake for lunch. All I had was water. A sudden breeze picked up. Shivering, I huddled myself together. When the hell is the bell going to ring?! I reached into my purse for my phone. It wasn't there.

                                “Oh my gosh!” I squealed. “where the fuck...” I thought back to where I last had it. Cafeteria. I hurriedly made my way back to the cafeteria. I went to the spot I was sitting at. No sight of my phone. Shit! Today is just not my day. Maybe someone took it to the office, I tried to assure myself. I breathed in deeply then exhaled. The 10 minute bell rung. I headed to class.

                On the way there, I noticed the guy that was staring at me in the cafeteria, was sitting in front of my class. Wait, he's in my class?!  I must not be very observant then. I was scared to sit next to him so I took the bench in front of him. As I passed by, I saw his head shift up. I sat down, never looking up. Taking out my favorite book, Wintergirls, I began reading. People were passing by, making a lot of noises. I couldn't concentrate. Frustrated, I threw my book back into my bag.