I wake up this morning again accompanied by sore eyes. Today is still the same as yesterday. No matter how I think of it, everything just doesnt make sense to me.
I dont have the energy to go through the day feeling like this. I need an explanation. I need to know why he left me hanging like this.
6months and until when I dont even know. Yes, 6 months ago Jinhwan suddenly start to disappear and left me without any words.
All I can do is just plastering a fake smile. Every single day.
"Jess! You're up for our plan tonight?" Yuna comes from behind me shaking off my far thought.
"Oh, um. Can I just not go? I dont feel really well today." I replied sipping the cola. I used to go on partying almost every night before Jinhwan came and changed everything.
"Geez, I know you. If it wasn't because of Jinhwan you won't be like this. Come on, its been a while since you hang out with us. Who knows you might meet someone else there." She adds, winking her eyes to me.
Yuna knows I havent get over Jinhwan yet so she tries to hook me up with many guys but none of them get through me. I dont know. No men can make me feels like Jinhwan does. I believe eventually, one day Jinhwan will come back to me again. I just need to wait....
"Sorry, I dont think this is right. I need to go. Bye." I replied, taking my things off the table and make my way to the bus stop.
I sit there alone, earpiece on both my ears, humming to BTS's Let Me Know. It relates to me in every aspects. I had a hard time reminiscing our memories desperately figuring out what went wrong with our relationship.
Jinhwan. Jinhwan. Jinhwan. He is all I can think about.
I get off the bus stop and walk at the park we used to hang out together with. Flashback of us come before my eyes making my tears fall down again upon my cheek.
I sat down on the bench, closing my eyes for a while, calming myself. I have been thinking about this for a while.
I have always said I wanted to meet Jinhwan again and listen to what he have got to say to me. But, will I ever be able to face him if he does appear in front of me? Will I be able to say how much I missed him? Will I be able to listen to his explanation without feeling mad?
"Ah, pretty noona. Why are you crying?" I heard a voice appearing me. I open my eyes to be greeted by a small figure with cute looking eyes in front of me.
I softened a bit and patted his head. "Aish, no. I'm not crying. Something got into my eyes just now. Eh, why are you here alone? Where's your parent?" I asked still looking at him. His face look rather familiar. Surely, I have met this boy before but I cant remember where.
"There. Appa, come here!" The little boy replies pointing at a man who is now walking to our direction.
I look up to be surprised by thing I have never imagined of before. Its Jinhwan.
Wait, Appa? This is his son? What is going on? I dont think I am seeing thing here.
Jinhwan gives a small smile before he sit on the bench beside me. He takes the little boy and put him on his lap.
I quickly stand up, wanting to get away from him. Before I can even walk, he grabs my wrist.
"Please, stay." He said, still holding on my wrists tightly.
My eyes which have dried from the tears just now pools up again. I try to push his hand away but his grips get tighter.
"Noona, can you please dont go and play with me?" The little boy adds and grabs my hand too. I look at him, confuse with my feelings.
Too many things running in my mind right now. Who is this little boy? Is it really Jinhwan's son? Is he married before or is it out of wedlock's son? I cant think of anything but to wonder.
This is it. My greatest fear and things I have questioned before have all been answered upon my eyes.
Jinhwan slowly let go off my hand and look at me with a sad stare. A stare which holds many meanings.
I sigh, gathering my courage and sit on the bench again.
"I think everything is clear right now. I've already got the explanation I wanted. That's it. Thank you for everything." I said, without even sparing a glance at Jinhwan.
I dont know what have gotten into me. But I for sure know if he does married then I dont have the right to think of him anymore. I will need to accept the fact he wasnt the one for me. Even from the start....
"Oh, and congratulations on your marriage." I add, still keeping a straight face.
"What, appa? You're married? Really? When? Who? How? Where?" The little boy widen his eyes, looking at Jinhwan shockingly.
"Wait, what is going on here?" I. am. confused.
Jinhwan suddenly let out a big laugh and hugs the little boy tightly.
"Yes, dear. Soon. With this pretty noona right here. I'll let her decide the place later. And as to how...."
Jinhwan put the boy on the ground and suddenly kneels in front of me.
He takes out a small box from his pocket just to reveal a ring in it.
"Jess, will you marry me and be with me forever and ever?" He said looking up at me lovingly.
The atmosphere wasnt quite suitable for me to nod and abruptly accept his proposal. I am more confused than I did before and I badly need an explanation now.
"Noona, what are you waiting for? Kiss him. Kiss appa. Say yes. Pleaseeeee" The little boy tugs on my dress cutely.
"Appa have always talk about you. How much he cares for you and how much he feels bad about leaving you behind. But trust me, he only loves you."
This kid is surely a good talker and for sure I know he doesnt inherited this from Jinhwan. Probably his wife....
"Jess, I am so sorry for everything. I know I shouldnt appear again like this in front of you after leaving so suddenly. I have think about this thoroughly and you need to know this. My uncle and his wife have died because of an accident and my cousin was left alone without any guardian. I promised my parent to take care of him so I left to US to settle for his adoption matter. Going in and out of court took me about 5months. So.."
"Wait, why havent you told me so? You got me thinking of million probabilities as to why you suddenly left me. I wont prevent you if this was your intention from the start. I.." I cut him off. He could just told me the truth and I can just wait for him. But this..
"I know, I am so sorry. This is so wrong of me to keep it as a secret but you're still young. Marrying at this age wont be an option for you. But one thing for sure, I cant live without you. You're the only girl I love. I dont want to be selfish but I know we will work this out together. It is okay if you dont want to do this yet. I can wait for you. You can finish your study first and.."
"No, let's do it now. Let's get married and take care of him together." I cut him off once again and now hugging both of them.
"It is so hard living without you by my side. I dont care of anything else anymore. I just want to be with you." I said again nodding. This is what I have ever wanted to do. I dont want to let go of my precious person anymore. I have made my decision.
Jinhwan stun, but then hugs me too and left a kiss on my forehead. He holds my hand and slide the ring onto my finger.
"I love you."
"I love you too."
I look at the little boy and lift him up. "Don't call me noona anymore. From now on, call me Eomma."
