Crimson Keys

The Moonlight

With my mind and hands warmed up, I move to the second song that I have planned for tonight's trilogy. As I finger through the pages of sheet music, I turn to possibly one of the most beautiful compositions ever created. This musical masterpiece has seen me through so much throughout my life. When looking at this piece, there isn't just black and white ink on a page but a voice and face of one of my closest friends. The piece is Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata, a song of intense grace and emotion, one that took me farther than any bus, car, or plane.

I start off slow and quiet, my body swaying to the rhythm of the first few measures, rocking to the movement of the triplets. As the melody drops into the minor key, I begin to play with more force and more determination. I speed up as I am no longer just pressing the keys but am pushing all my heart into the ivory pieces. As the sonata demands to be louder, my movements become stronger and my mind becomes violent. I take out the frustration of life on the notes as I dominate over their very existence.

Then the sonata calms, again, and my mind calms with it. I gently sway with the notes once more, as my frustration and anger begins to fade. I prepare for to transition into the second stage of the song and the second phase of my thought.

Immediately, as the happy notes dance across the page, pictures of happy days and sun filled mornings flood my mind. I, again, see moments that once made up my most incredible memories, the people that have meant more to me than life itself. I bounce up down the piano, riding the euphoria that the notes give me. As the pace rapidly increases, I start to remember it all, ever instant in my life up to this moment. Every event that has shaped me today. I see birthdays and graduations, I see surprises and I see celebrations. Every happy moment all thrown together as one. I am now flooded with a burning happiness as tears stream down my face.

As quickly as the notes are moving, though, my mind begins to turn down a darker path. As I grow older in my memories, sorrow begins to follow every moment of joy. After every surprise, horror, after every celebration, devastation, after every birthday, a funeral, after every comeback, a setback. Back and forth, my mind competes with itself, dark battling light, good battling evil. As each measure passes below my fingers, the light begins to fade as evil begins to triumph and the sorrow starts to take over. I am filled with emotion once more, just like when playing the previous Elise, but instead of frustration or euphoria, I am filled with hopelessness and resentment.

I have always been one to say that you need the bad times to understand the good. That, to truly appreciate the light, you must know darkness. But why did every highlight of life have to be followed by a reminder of just how cruel and heartless this world can be? It has seemed that any moment of pure joy has lasted in my life for only a split second before being wrenched away. At every instance of happiness, I have been reminded again of the dangers of flying too close to the sun. Quickly, I am scorched by reality and hurdle out of the clouds with a burnt taste in my mouth, scolding me for trying once again.

As I finish up Beethoven's sonata, I am left with a feeling of longing and defeat. Longing for more of the happy moments that I had been so lucky to have. Defeat from the realization that not a single happy moment seems to end without something horrible on its heel now a days. What happened to the happy days of the past? The days filled with laughter and joy, friends and family? Why do I only seem to be surrounded by letdowns and loneliness? Now all my days seem to be endless and meaningless followed by lonely and restless nights. When did things become this way?

I can't keep walking as if I am going about my normal, daily life as I am replaying the days that I will never visit again. The sight of little children laughing and playing just reminds me of what used to be. Seeing a couple in love is like a knife straight to my heart as I realize that there is no way someone would fall in love with me. A group of friends all talking and laughing reminds me of all those that I lost and left me. I just can't take it! This endless feeling of hopelessness must end. I am done with it.

As I play the final notes, tears stream down my cheeks and my hands fall off the keys. I look up from the ivory pieces and over at the knife. With a deep breath, I'm ready. It's time for my final piece.