A Game of Luck and Faith

PROLOGUE

I remembered the date clearly. September 11, 2001.

“Dad? Daddy?” I felt the tears running down my cheeks. Hindi ko alam kung bakit, but I could feel that something was wrong. Habang nanood kami ng mommy ko sa TV, nakita namin kung paano sumabog ang World Trade Center. I mean, I was really sad kasi maraming tao ang namatay, pero mas masakit ngayong ang nararamdaman ko. Maybe it was because I had a feeling that my father was probably one of the victims.

Mabilis kumilos si Mom. She grabbed the car keys, while I was left on our sofa, staring blankly at the TV screen.

“Wynona, ano ba? Hindi ka ba tatayo diyan?” ang kinakabahaang sabi ni Mom. Tumayo ako at sumunod sa kanya sa kotse niya. Hindi ko pa rin maalis sa isipan ko yung itsura ng pagsabog na nakita ko sa TV.

Mausok ang mga daanan ng New York at maririnig mo ang mga sirens ng police cruisers. Maraming nagsiliparang mga papel mula sa sumabog na building. Dapat talaga hindi na lang nagdala ng car si Mom, dahil napakaraming tao ang nagpunta sa napakataas na building para makita ang nangyari doon. Na-stuck tuloy kaming dalawa sa traffic.

Tahimik si Mom habang naghihintay na umusad ang mga kotse, at nakita ko ang mga luha na tumutulo sa pisngi niya. Alam ko na ako rin ay umiiyak para sa Daddy ko. Biglang tumunog ang phone ni Mom at sinagot niya kaagad ito.

It was Mr. Speaks, and he called to bring bad news. The worst news my mother and I could hear. Dad was inside the building when the bombing happened. Di na nakayanan ni Mom. She sobbed and reached to her side to hug me. I also cried and wondered what would happen now that it was only the two of us.

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Tahimik ang naging libing ng Daddy ko. Wala naman kaming masyadong kakilala at ka-close here in New York. Sure, my grandparents from my father side came–they were both living in Brazil at the moment. My grandparents comforted my mom. Yung grandparents ko sa side ni Mommy ay namatay na nung baby pa lang ako. In some car accident, I think.

Doon ko na rin nalaman na lilipad kami pauwi sa Pilipinas. Hay. Uuwi kami sa Philippines. Ang huling punta ko doon ay nung five years old ako at para lang makita sa huling sandal ang Lolo Joaquin at Lola Salve ko.

In a week, na-arrange na ni Mommy yung mga transactions na kailangan namin. I had a passport since I was young and our attorney offered to do all the matters regarding our journey, so all she had to worry about was our business. Si Dad ang umaasikaso lahat nun kaya it wasn’t a good experience for Mom.

I didn’t know what happened much with our business after that. I was just a mere 11-year-old kid, half American and half Filipina, who just wanted to see what this world held, like any other kid. Feeling ko, ang dami masasayang na events dahil wala na si Dad. I was right. It was only my Mom and I in this world now.

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“What do you think, Wynona? Ito pa rin ba ang Pilipinas na natatandaan mo noon?” ang tanong ni Mommy. Meron siyang small smile sa face niya. Hindi ito ngiting masaya parang forced ba, pero ngiti pa rin iyon, at alam ko kung gaano kahirap ngumiti matapos mamatayan ng mahal sa buhay. Nandito na kami sa Pilipinas. I had said all my goodbye’s to my school friends, and had felt myself going to miss them, but it wasn’t like there was no way to contact them. Nagpaalam na ako sa New York, sa United States of America, because I guessed that I would never go back there.

“I can’t remember much, Mom, but I guess so.” Ibang-iba ang Pilipinas sa America. Nobody could contradict that. Pero mas maraming factors ang nagustuhan ko sa America kaysa sa Pilipinas, kaya mas gusto ko doon. Pero siguro, I was just used to America’s culture because I spent my whole life there.

Pumara si Mom ng cab. Huh. Pati ba naman cab sa kanila ay kakaiba? It was colored white! Pumasok kami sa loob at sinabi ni Mommy ang address sa driver. Tinignan ko ang mga nadadaanan ko during the ride. Maraming mga bahay na di ganoong maganda na nakatayo sa may tabing kalsada. Sabi sa akin ni Mom na squatters daw ang tawag sa kanila. Informal settlers, actually. Di ko alam kung bakit mahilig ang mga Pilipino sa shortcut sa pagsasalita.

Napatawa ako doon. Wait a minute, I was also a Filipina. I wondered how I can make myself fit here in this country when I was a stranger in this land ever since I was a baby.