Drowning In Reality

Letter from mother to child.

No heart beat,
No life,
No chance.
Even before you were born.

It's the worst thing,
To lose a child.
It's like your heart breaks,
Over and over,
A million times.

Losing a child is like a knife,
In that little space in my heart,
That was growing more each day.
Now it's just an empty whole.

A stake in the heart would kill anyone,
But it took less to kill my child.
All it took
Was some genes,
Not connecting right.

And when I  find out,
I want to die as well.
All I  want is to be with my child,
But I can't.

There are lots of tears,
Lots of pain,
Lots of anger.
Why me?

I never did anything,
So why me?
Why my child,
Who I loved so dear.

So many questions,
That can't be answered.
So many memories,
That can't be made.

I had no time with him,
No time to play,
No time to see,
But I had all the time to love you.

That was all the time is took for me,
To go sinking with the ship.
I went down with the titanic,
No life boat in sight.

I already have two children,
And a husband,
Who love me dearly,
But with out you,
Our family doesn't feel complete.

There will always be a space in my heart for him,
Right next two the rest of my children's.
I will not stop loving you,
I will not forget you,
As long as I shall live.

You were my everything for a while,
And I could have been yours.
But you were taken so young,
All those doors were closed.

I will always love you,
No matter how you might have turned out,
But you were my everything,
And you were taken from my hands.

A few years later,
And your brother and sister won't remember,
They were to young to remember in the first place.
But mommy and daddy will remember you.

We gave you a name,
Emerson.
Such a strong sounding name,
Because you would have been that.
Strong.

My love,
You were taken too young.
You were taken before we knew you.

Before we saw you smile,
Laugh,
Play,
Have fun.

We know you would have,
Done all that,
With your brother
And sister.

You would have played with them,
Ran around in the garden,
Until your feet were caked,
With mud.

You would have had fun,
Staying up all night,
With your friends,
Just to say you did it.

You would have loved,
That stupid giraffe,
We painted on the wall,
And never covered over.

You would have sung in the choir at school,
Gotten A's to impress us,
Played football,
And loved to read.

There were many things you could have done,
But you were taken to young,
You were taken before you,
Got a chance.

Before we got a chance to see you and your face,
Smiling up at us when you lost your first tooth.
Or before we could patch up your skinned knee.
Or before we could take pictures as you walked across that stage for the last time to get your diploma.

You were taken before I could say I love you.
But now I say it to your picture everyday.
I loved you even before I met you,
And I still do, even after five years.

Love isn't something you forget,
And I still love you,
Even after all these years,
Of hardships and pain.

Mommy and daddy love you,
And so do you brother who never got to play soccer with you,
Or your sister who never got to torture you with her endless singing.

We all miss you,
We all love you,
And we wish you all could have been there those last five years.

I love you my rose,
And I won't ever forget that.