As I wait for Chris to come by I couldn't help but reminisce and with all the flashbacks and the stolen moments I can recall, I couldn't help but ask myself, Is it worth it? Is our relationship worth saving?
I am sat alone in a coffee shop booth waiting for my iced drink, becoming more and more anxious about this meet up as the clock ticks another second later than the last.
People came and went and the sound of the bells chiming became all too familiar with me as it clashes yet again only to reveal the person I've been waiting for.
Christopher Montgomery.
He was about 15 minutes late but it didn't bother me much, I was too for 10. He looks around the room searching for familiar faces when he finally found where I'm sat.
He looked ruined, to say the least.
His usual neat visual is now ever so messy. His usual charming smile is replaced by flushed cheeks and bloodshot eyes. I can immediately tell that these past two nights too, had been painful for him.
He quickly approaches me. He sits down across me and it was moments later that he decides to speak up. "About that night..." he pauses and I have yet said a word. I don't want to force him to tell me how or why it happened.
Even though I didn't want to hear it coming from him, I needed to, in order for me to let him go.
My mind had been poisoned by my own thoughts about what must've been going through his mind at that time but still, I can't accept it.
It could have been easily my fault. That's one possibility. He must've felt like I didn't like him enough for him to do such thing and while I can forgive him for acting upon his feelings, I don't think I can forgive myself for putting this heartache not only to myself, but also for a guy I have dated even in just six short months.
Just as he was about to say something a guy in a white apron stopped by giving me my drink wishing the both of us a good time. I said my thanks of course, not for the coffee, but for the slight delay. I have mentally prepared myself for what's about to happen and I willed myself not to start bawling my eyes out.
"I'm really sorry. I don't know what came over me... I.. Uhh," he reasoned with guilt laced within each word that escaped his lips and I could hear it all clearly. He ran his hand over his already disheveled hair and cleared his throat before continuing, "I honestly don't even know why it happened."
I could hear his voice cracking as he hid his face in both his hands frustratedly wiping off some stray tears that seemed to escape him. The sight pained me even more for what I'm about to do. Yes, he stabbed me right to the heart with a very rusty old knife but this time, seeing him in this state and knowing what I'm going to do, I'm the one adding more pain to both of us. I'm the one twisting the knife.
Somehow, even though I know I wasn't, I felt like I'm the one causing the both of us this misery. And guilt is slowly eating me alive. I can't stand myself for even thinking of doing this to him, but I have to. I can't put my trust in him anymore knowing that it could happen again.
"Noelle, I know it's too much for me to ask you to take me back." he pauses and takes a shaky breath, "And believe me I want that. I regret what I did so fucking much. I..I don't even know what to do." He said the last part in barely a whisper. He sounded so fragile.
Hearing him say these things, somehow makes me want to instantly forgive him. But I can't. I wanted to say something but the words were stuck in my brain, and a lump was forming in my throat.
Chris is a nice guy, a gentleman even. Always making me smile with his cheeky jokes and his honest heart. He is a flirt. And I had no problem with that because that was the sole reason that this relationship even came to be. I never doubted him even once. But myself, I couldn't even count the times I did.
Finally, swallowing the ever growing lump in my throat, I spoke up, "Chris," I said testing my voice, letting out a sigh of frustration for it sounding so weak. "You know I never would've imagined having to be stuck in this scene, especially not with you. You're a great guy, but I don't think I can do this anymore. I can't trust you anymore. Not after what happened."
After saying what I had to, I finally stopped playing with my bracelets and built up the courage to look him in the eyes. An excruciating weight in my chest became more and more heavy as another second ticks making me want to clench my heart tightly and take back what I had just said. But no, I couldn't. I cant.
"I'm sorry" I said, pain evident in my tone as I tried my best to maintain eye-contact.
And with that I got up, getting ready to leave. I slowly made my way to the exit when a hand held my wrist making me turn around to face the culprit. There stood Chris with his head hung low.
"I understand." I heard him say, and with that I turned back around willing myself not to look back.
Funny how the words I've practiced for the whole day seemed to have vanished the moment I laid my eyes on him again. I even had a perfectly orchestrated script tattooed in the back of my brain but when it came to actually saying it, I blanked out.
It seemed as if I already know everything I had to say. But the only thing is,
I didn't know exactly what to say.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Whew, tough shiz, I actually have never been broken up with before neither have I broken up with someone....
#foreveralone :'(
But anyways, I wanna say thank you to the movies that gave me the closest I could ever be to a break up and I want to thank you too, for reading this.
Much Love,
-Elle xxx
YOU ARE READING
The Alteration
Teen Fiction"I'm sorry" those were the two words that people instantly think of when they hear her name. As selfless as she may seem to others, she always thought the worst of things, and it always is her own fault. Well, to her mind that is. The total opposite...
