Repeating Apologies

Chapter 6

*Scar's pov*

I'm doing exactly as Alan told me to do. I'm faking everything. I act like nothing is bothering me, but it really is. I hate that I can't tell James or anyone anything about what's actually going on.  I'm faking my laugh, my smile, and every happy expression I can show. I have all of the guys convinced, all but Alan.

"Scar, follow me." Phil whispers in my ear.

"Why?" I whisper back.

"I need to talk to you. I'm gonna get up and 'go to the bathroom' and a few minutes later, say you're going to bed. Okay?" Phil says.

"Okay." I agree.

Phil gets up and starts walking toward the hall.

"Where you goin' Phil?" Aaron asks.

"Can a guy go pee without being questioned?" Phil asks.

"Phil, I didn't want to know that!" I groan.

"Get over yourself." Phil laughs. I just roll my eyes.

Phil walks down the hall. I wait a couple more minutes.

I stand up and walk toward the hall.

"Where are you going princess?" Ben asks.

"Bed. I'm really tired." I lie.

"Let me finish the movie and I'll be there so you have someone to cuddle with." Ben says.

"I'm gonna go to my room. Come in when you're movie is over." I laugh.

I walk down the hall and look for Phil. Where did he go? My house isn't that big for someone to get lost in.

I feel a hand grab my arm and yank me into a room. I almost scream, but before I could, a hand covered my mouth. 

I start to hyperventilate.  Please tell me that the person who has me isn't Alan. I try to break free, but the person's grip gets tighter.

"Scar, calm down, it's just me." Phil's familiar voice whispers in my ear.

"I'm gonna kill you." I whisper back.

"Now, I wanna talk about what's bothering you and you can't lie to me. I will be able to tell."  

I spill everything. I tell him everything Alan said. I can see the hatred in Phil's eyes as I tell him what is going on. 

"You can't tell anyone about it, don't confront Alan either. Okay?" I say.

Phil just looks at me like I'm crazy. I really don't want him confronting Alan about the issue. 

"I'm being serious. Promise me you won't say anything to him." I tell him.

"I promise, bout you have to promise me that if it gets any worse, you will let me say something." Phil says.

"Fine. But only if it gets worse." I agree.

"Scar, where are you?" I hear Ben call out. Fuck.

"I gotta go. I told the guys that I was going to bed." 

"Okay. We will talk later. Night Scar." Phil says.

"Night Phil. Thank you for listening to my issues." I say and kiss him on the cheek. 

I leave Phil in the room and go to my bedroom. I see Ben laying down, posing in a 'sexy' pose.

"Took you long enough, love, you left me alone for so long." Ben says.

I burst out in laughter.

*Ben's pov* 

I love making her laugh. The way her eyes light up, its beautiful. Yes, I like Scar. You'd have to be blind to not like her. She's bloody gorgeous. The way her hair cascades over her shoulders and down to her waist, the way she dances around the kitchen singing like nobody is watching when she is cooking, her personality is amazing. Everything about her is astonishing. She's a walking masterpiece. She's perfect.

"Ben, you're a weirdo." Scar says, still laughing.

"But I'm your weirdo." I say, seriously.

"Sam wouldn't approve of that. You're her weirdo."

Hearing Sam's name brings back memories. She left me a month ago. I got the divorce papers in the mail this morning. 

"Ben, what's wrong?" Scar asks, rubbing her hands across my cheek. I realize that I'm crying.

"She's gone. She left me. I wasn't good enough for her." I sob.

"Oh sweetie, you're an amazing person, she just wasn't the one. There is someone out there for you." Scar says, wrapping her arms around me, pulling me closer to her. I cry into her shoulder.  I hate that she is seeing me like this, but she also doesn't know that she is the reason that Sam left me. Sam thought that I was cheating on her with Scar. I know I am known for that, but it's not true. I could never do that to anyone. When I said those vows, I meant it.

"I just don't get it, she left me for another man, yet she got pissy with me cause she thought I was cheating on her."  I mumble.

"She thought you were cheating on her?" Scar asks.

"Yes." 

"Who did she think you cheated with?" 

"I can't say." I mutter.

"Why not Ben?" 

"Because it doesn't matter anymore. I may as well have cheated on her with what my thoughts consisted of." 

"What do you mean?"

"With the thoughts I had while I was with her was enough to count as cheating." 

"Who was the thoughts about?" 

"You." I whisper to myself.

"Who?"

"I can't say. I'd lose her if I did."

"Oh." Scar mumbles. There is no way I can tell Scar that it's her, no that would ruin our friendship and I cannot lose her. Losing her wold destroy me.

"Why can't you tell me who she thought you cheated on her with? That's what friends do. They tell each other secrets, Ben." I hear Scar mumble.

"If I told you, you will stop being my friend and that's something I can't handle." I mumble back.

"I thought you knew me. You know I'm not going to leave you because on one thing." Scar says as she pushes me away so that she can look at me.

"Why does it matter? Sam left me and the girl I love doesn't love me back." I mutter.

"How do you know if she does or doesn't love you?" Scar asks.

"Cause I see the way you look at Alan!" I yell. 

I get up away from the bed and try to leave. 

"No, Benjamin, sit your ass down. You cannot say that and then try to leave." Scar says.

"I can do whatever I want." I say.

"No, we are going to talk about this. Now sit down or I will make you sit down." Scar says, looking pissed.

"I don't want to talk about it, okay? I know you only see me as a brother. I'm not fucking stupid. Do you know what it feels like knowing that you can never be with the person you love cause they love someone else?"  I ask harshly.

"Yes I actually do. I know what that feels like. It happened to me the day I met you. I fell in love with you, but I couldn't say anything cause you were with Sam. So don't go assuming that I don't know what it feels like to have to hide your emotions. You don't fucking know me!" Scar yells.

"You loved me?" I ask shocked.

(A/N: sorry it took so long to update, between working and school, I haven't had time to work on the story. I hope you guys are enjoying it so far. )