Ring by Spring

Max-11

As I watched Ellie leave, despondent, remorse flattened me. I wanted to chase after her and apologize, recant, but I decided I shouldn't toy with her any further. I'd made the best decision for both of us. She'd thank me when she went to her wedding bed a virgin. But what if she didn't care about that? Maybe she just hadn't shown me her sexually adventurous side yet.  It wasn't a commonly advertised position at the college, due to our status as a religious institution, but I knew couples who slept together - or at least figured I did. Maybe she would have wanted us to be one of them, while I definitely didn't. Then we would have broken up anyway. Better to do it now, right? Really, I knew nothing about her sexual behavior preferences. How had we gotten into a relationship without having had that conversation first? We probably should have discussed it at the start. I made a mental note to do that for my next relationship...whenever that came along. For now, I would stay happily (but also unhappily) single. 

"Max, you okay? You look like you got kicked in the nuts," said Ric when I re-entered our room, looking up from his O-Chem homework. 

"Ric," said Brett. "Don't be crass."

"He does," Ric insisted. "I've only seen that face once - when my cousin experienced testicular torsion after a lacrosse tournament."  We both winced, and Brett crossed his legs protectively, even though we were well out of the at-risk age range (12 to 16, according to high school health class). 

"It looks more like appendicitis," he said. "So what happened, Max?" 

"I broke up with Ellie," I said, slamming into a wall of grief. They stared at me in bewilderment and horror.

"...Jk, right?" Ric said, hopeful. 

"Then," he said, scowling, "it's not really a kidding matter...." 

"It's true," I said, picturing her face cycling through multiple emotions: anger, sadness, fear, confusion, hope, and disgust. 

"Max! Why would you do that?" 

"It's...complicated," I said, knowing full disclosure would make me feel worse. What if they didn't understand? What if they laughed? I imagined Ellie telling Clover, and Clover giggling, because she didn't know the subtext. But how could she? I hadn't even told her girlfriend. What if I had? Would Ellie have sympathized and offered to ride it out? Or would she have tossed my rejection back in my face and rushed off, relieved?

"Well, it's not too late," said Brett, seeing me ponder. "Buy her some flowers and tell her you messed up. You made a mistake. You want her back. She doesn't have to be your 'one who got away....'"

"You think I'll regret it?"

"Dude, you already are," Ric said. "You look like your cat died, and that you got kicked in the nuts, and appendicitis, all at the same time. Were you crying?"

"Wouldn't you?" said Brett, coming to my defense, even though our roommate's tone wasn't in any way judgmental. 

"Yeah, I guess," Ric said. Then he grinned. 

"Do you think we could get Clover to follow suit and break it off with Roger?"

"You still like her? What about Hope Barnes?" Brett thought he'd caught him when he mentioned the cute Nursing major Ric had started seeing casually (both parties claimed "just friends" when asked), but he just laughed.

"What about Hope Barnes? She's not Clover, that's for sure. That girl is one of a kind - a hottie with a body and wicked smart."

"Don't talk about her like that," Brett said, looking cross. "She's not yours to ogle." Last year, after seeing the way some of our peers behaved at the orientation week block party - boys who knew better  grinding on girls and carelessly collecting phone numbers - we had amended our roommate agreement to include a clause about respectful behavior towards women. Usually, we had no trouble sticking to it, but sometimes, especially in certain situations, people got heated and slipped. Other times we just forgot. Ellie once shared with me that she and Clover had a similar set of rules, which made me respect her even more. Most people didn't often think about it going the other way.