Erstwhile

iv

"Eloise."

Cole took a step towards her.

"Do you remember me?" His eyes shot lasers at Eloise but she took a step towards him, regardless of his serious tone.

"No."

Cole was tremendously desperate to tell her all about their past now.

"Still?" His voice wavered a little bit but he tried to remain stable.

"I'm sorry Cole. I have no idea who you are." Eloise spoke like there were no one else in the roomㅡloud and clear with a little bit of sympathy in her voice. She took Cole's hand in hers. "You knew me before? I'm sure we were good friends." Eloise smiled, in an attempt to comfort Cole.

"Yes, we were more than that. Remember the little toy I gave you?" Cole asked, wanting to hear the word yes.

"No, sorry, I don't remember the toy you're talking about. I'm so sorry."

Cole sighed because he felt lost and broken; Eloise did not even remember the little bear nor him.

"It's okay, you don't need to apologize. It's not your fault you don't remember me anyways."

Cole turned his back towards Eloise, not wanting her to see the gushing river flowing from his eyes. He ran towards his house, as fast as he could. Cole did not turn back when he heard Eloise stop him.

Cole had thought Eloise would aplogize again. Cole had thought Eloise would blame it on her. And he did not want that to happen. And so, he took a step by a stepㅡfarther away from Eloise.

ㅡ

"I'm sorry," Eloise could not describe her penitence; it was not her fault that a car had hit her on one evening, causing her to end up losing all her memories. Eloise explained those to Cole's parents, wanting them to forward it to Cole.

Cole did not want to cry. It was not right for a man to cry, to break down or to have his heart be broken. But Cole could not abide to those stereotypes because Eloise was preventing him from doing so. He wiped the tears that streamed down his cheeks.

"You don't need to cry."

"You don't have to cry," he consoled himself with words. Failing, he got up, clenching his fist.

Why does Eloise have so much effect on me?

Cole landed a punch on the hard, cold wall.

Why doesn't Eloise remember me?

Cole once again clobbered at the plain white surface with all his force, not thinking again how hurt his knuckles would be after he was done.

Pain erupted within his hands, producing a dull, continous pain. Cole then immediately regretted punching the wall as well as thinking, maybe hoping, that even the slightest bit so, Eloise would remember him.

ㅡ

Eloise could not sleep that night. She turned and turned but she could not find the right position. Her eyes could not stay shut for more than a minute and neither did her body choose to remain still.

Eloise was thinking about Cole and his words.

Failing to fall into deep slumber, Eloise got up, sitting cross-legged on her bed.

"Beary bear, this boy is on my mind and its taking all my effort not to feel something so much more than sorry."

Eloise went to the washroom, splashing cold water on her face at midnight. She looked at the mirror at a reflection of herself. Maybe this reflection could know her relationship with Coleㅡif she had not been hit by a roaring vehicle.

She reached for the cabinet, struggling to open it even if she was on her tip-toes. Its door finally swang open and Eloise reached for the little white bottle that contained sleeping pills.

She opened the cap, tilting it so pills would flow from the bottle and to the palm of her hand. Six pills rested on her sweaty skin but she put four of the pills back in the bottle.

With two pills in the grasp of her hand, she walked downstairs and to the kitchen. Taking a glass, she poured water in it. Eloise brought her palm up and then she swallowed the pills after drinking the all of the liquid.

Eloise did not know why but something in the back of her mind kept saying Cole.

Eloise shaked her head, walking up to her bedroom.

Before her eyelids became heavy, Eloise took a look at Cole's house through her window, wondering if she was wrong about lying to Cole; that she actually knew Cole was the one who gave her the bear.

Even though her mom had not said who, it was pretty obvious when Cole had asked if she had remembered a toy.

And then after awhile, Eloise's eyes closed as a little brown bear slept in serenity inside her embrace.