Evanescence // Harry Styles

chapter-24

I liked Kathleen, listener. I really did. But there were some very confusing times when I just couldn't understand her flow of moods. The mood swings, were most probably the times I didn't want to be near her. They were full of those stressing silences that made you think that you were missing something. Well, I knew that I was missing something. And that was I thought about when she fell silent again, suddenly. 

I glanced away from her as her smile fell in an instant. I didn't want to seem prying, and I didn't want to let her know that I noticed how her eyes had lost their glow. I guessed she had her reasons; I guessed that being with an annoyingly sarcastic and insomniac husband had made her forgetful. I guessed a lot of things at that time, dear listener. And most of them were wrong.

The quietness of the room was uninterrupted till we heard the doorbell ringing. The call was so sudden and shrill, I nearly jumped.

"I'll get it," I said, and got up before she could respond. I bit my lips as I excused myself from the room, not thinking about anything at that moment other that those pills I had seen with Arthur that night, once again. I did not like it, how I reacted at them that night. And after those few nights of constant dreams, I was starting to feel the need of them again. It wouldn't have happened if I'd just stay in my boundaries. I hated that feeling of lack of self control, not that I had felt like that rarely.

Maybe, if I was not thinking about all those confusing things constantly, I would have guessed who it would be at the door. But just like typical me, I wasn't thinking about what I was supposed to be thinking. So when I opened the door and saw Harry standing by it, I was more shocked that I should have been.  

"Harry!" I said, rather taken aback.

But it didn't amaze him. "Amanda Claire." He said my name as gracefully as the last time they had fallen from his lips. He was in his casual check print shirt and khakis, the attire being totally ordinary, but even though, he looked flashy in a way that I couldn't take my eyes off.

"What . . . what are you doing here?" I asked, nervously. It was the first time I had spoken to him face-to-face after that night. That was because of me, mostly. He was normal after the kiss, only the daytime made me feel that there was something unreal about it. I looked back, to see if Kathleen was watching us or not. I sighed when I realized that she was still in her trance and didn't notice who came.

"I wanted to speak to you." I turned at him when I heard his voice. He wasn't stuttering like me, rather her was confident. Like he was sure of what he was saying.

"Oh," I said. I wished if something better could come out from my mouth, but all I did was shuffle awkwardly. 

"Can you come out, for a bit?" he asked.

"Come out?" I looked back, again to find Kathleen just like before.

"Yes," he said.

I bit my lips. "Okay," I said at last. I looked at Kathleen one last time as I brought out my sandals and got out of the door. I locked it, slowly. Harry said nothing in the time, but when I looked at him, he smiled. And for once I thought maybe his smile wasn't all too good. It was unfair how he could smile like that when I was preparing for a vigorous word battle in my mind. I wondered what I could say to him -the things I confessed to Kathleen only minutes before seemed far away. Surely, I couldn't get that little moment of personal heaven with him. I had to remind myself that everything was temporary and a work full of luck. My knowing him in person, luck. My traveling back to his time, luck . . . and most probably temporary. And my kissing him, a sure and undeniable mistake.

"Amanda?" I looked up from my pair of sandals. I didn't know how many minutes had past, but it must have been many . . . and it must have been awkward. I didn't remember.