Hot n Cold

Wrong Womanly Intuition

Celena's POV

I cen't help but feel jealous of Krys right now. she's been miserable since two weeks thinking Drew doesn't like her any more and here the guy was planning an extravagant party for her.

It was a shock for me as well when he called me an hour ago and told me to bring krys to this farm house but i'm happy that my girl is happy. I mean there's enough hell going on in my and Ren's life i'm thankful that at least she is not heartbroken.

Heartbroken. That is the only word which can describe my feelings for quite some time.I  feel crushed thinking that my first boyfriend who i am in love with doesn't even like me .

I shook my head to clear up my thoughts and at least try to enjoy the party which is very difficult when he is the only thing that i can think about.

I look beside me only to see a very crushed expression on Ren's face i follow her gaze only to see that asshole entering the venue with her beautiful (note the sarcasm) fiancee in his arms.

Fucking Mutt

I would like to say that i'm not a very big fan of cursing but sometimes i just can't control myself. And now i really want to tear him apart ,how can he do this to Ren i really thought that he liked her but now that i think about it I'm really a dimwit , i mean i thought that something can happen between me and Austin which was wrong and also i thought that Landon liked Ren which was also wrong.

Now i think that there is really something wrong with my womanly intuition.

I feel that i should say something to Ren to make her feel good but i really don't have anything to say , what else would you expect from a girl who is already mending her broken heart.

I leave Ren because i know that if in our thoughts we can degrade ourselves , there only we can also make ourselves feel better. I look around to  see many of the couples dancing which is mainly swaying to the beat and i decide to join them to make myself feel better.

After half an hour of continuous dancing i make my way for the bar to drink something , i feel really  good and actually quite happy maybe just maybe i can get over him.

But who am i kidding just as i reach the bar there a couple is passionately kissing each other and there the pain returns. Am i really that bad that i have not gotten my first kiss at the age of 19.

Before Austin there was literally no one , like any other normal teenage girl i have had my fair share of crushes but i never wanted anything more that that that's why i never had any relationship. And about the kiss i am not the type of girl who really wants to preserve her first kiss for someone special for me kiss was never a very big thing butt still i never kissed because i never got the chance to.

The guys who asked me on a date i rejected them because for me relationships were just too much work and whenever we went to clubs or parties i never ever wanted to kiss a drunkard.

After being in a relationship with Austin and i was ready to give him my first kiss but he never tried to kiss me....whenever we were close enough to each he would either walk away or would just act nonchalantly , am i really that bad of a bitch that he never even wanted to kiss me, even after playing with my feelings he never kissed me am i that disgusting that he doesn't even want to be close to me.

All these thoughts brought tears to my eyes over analyzing his every move has become my habit now and over thinking about myself also. I was never a very confident person but i wasn't shy either but after being dumped by the guy i love my self confidence has been thrown out of the window.

Even after saying all those hurtful things to me i never even once saw a hint of guilt or remorse in his eyes or any kind of sadness on his face, what hurt more was that here i have been crying since forever and have also established the fact that maybe i will never get over him and he doesn't even care.

The thought that i am so unworthy that even after spending so much time with me he hasn't felt a single thing for me other than disgust is overwhelmingly saddening. I can't help but question myself that am i that repulsive or unloving.

I once again break my chain of thoughts by ordering a big glass of martini and i gulp it in one go and after two hours i find myself on top of a table with a bottle of beer in my hand and I'm shouting on top of my lungs "LETSSSSS  PARTYYY"

And everyone howls and once again we all start dancing. I 'm not really tipsy because i have high tolerance of alcohol but i'm just feeling really good to just let go of the feelings of love, pain, hurt, anger,pity, sadness, and disappointment.

I stop having any more alcohol after five glass of martini and one bottle of beer because i know that i have to drive home myself but i keep on dancing and shouting for an hour and when i feel that i am sober enough to drive and can surely reach home safely i go back to my car and text Ren 

hey i'm leaving where are you, you remember that you came with me right -C

Hey i'm really sorry but i have already reached home, was in no mood of a party-R

Now i feel really bad for being so selfish and not being with her...i knew that she was feeling really sad but i thought that if i give her some time she will be ok but guess i was wrong ...again.

uughh i feel really frustrated with all these feelings, sadness for myself, worry for Ren, hurt for Austin, anger for Landon, happiness for Krys and gratefulness for Andrew.

Fuck these feelings.

I'm really sorry that i left you i thought that you needed some time alone-c

Don't worry best friend i really needed alone time and i'm ok  just take care of yourself and reach home safe

p.s. i know that you are drunk and that you are gonna drive so just be careful-R

I chuckled and shook my head she knew me so well.

After really careful also known as reckless driving i reached home. I greeted my mom and dad and went directly to my room changed my clothes and jumped into my warm and cozy bed.

After thinking a little about my messed up love life and even more messed up heart which even after being insulted still loves Austin, i finally cry myself to sleep , as usual.

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sorry for late update but now i'll be regular

i really want your support. please vote for my story. i knnow i'm not giving regular updates but i also need encouragement to do further than this. and i'm not saying that i'm gonna abandon this story because i never will but just please give me a liitle bit of support so that i can believe  in myself and my story.

Pasta fans please vote and comment because i wrote this chapter eating.

thanks for reading

Next update- 

Me- soon

Reader- very soon

Me- as soon as possible

haha i know that you all are not laughing, my humor sucks but one's gotta try.

P.S. its a line from my favourite serial.

bye bye people