excerpts from a book i will never write

2:06 am

I really want to end it tonight.

I thought about overdosing, but I don't have anything to overdose with. The painkillers are in my mom's room and I don't want to go there. She's asleep. I don't want to wake her up.
I thought about going to the top of this really tall apartment building nearby but I don't want to get out of bed.
Everything just takes so much effort. And I really can't care anymore.
I would cut my wrists but all the razors I have at the moment are way too dull. They don't cut through anything.

I wish there was an easier way to end it.

I wish to not cause anyone any pain when I leave.