Ten Things

Ch.33-Take My Breath Away

Cole

This was my verdict on life when I came back the next day to visit Grace in the hospital:

It sucked.

But when her parents found me with tears in their eyes and explained to me her situation, I had to refine my earlier judgment.

It was just downright shitty.

"Are you sure?" I managed out. Her mother nodded, pressing herself sorrowfully into her husband's side. The mountain of a man wrapped a thick arm around her bony shoulders, to comfort.

"They've found traces of a recurrence," he continued, when it was clear Mrs. Loving was unable. "It's small right now, but the tumor is coming back. They found traces around the left side of her brain."

I cranked my hands up behind my head, eyes slipping closed for a moment. I sucked on my front two teeth, trying to keep my thoughts in order. "The cancer is back?"

"Yes."

At my words Mrs. Loving broke out into gut-wrenching sobs. Mr. Loving excused them both and he took them somewhere else, whispering words in her ear. I turned my head and stared through the tiny rectangular window of Grace's door, seeing her fast asleep and hooked up to various machines, all monitoring everything for her.

And it just wasn't fair.

~*~

In my recent transformation from stupid jock to philosophical weirdo, I was inexorably forced to contemplate the true uselessness of high school.

From my point of view, at least.

And everything-from going to class to eating at the cafeteria-it just seemed so stupid. So pointless. So mundane. Like the only reason for keeping us in the box that was Heart High School was to keep us from experimenting with pot-which a lot of them already did-or from playing video games too long-let's be real, this was the twenty-first century-or to keep us from conspiring some heinous plan to blow up the school. Those were my thoughts, whether or not they were worth anything.

But thinking about Grace's situation, how schooling in the long run was just ultimately so useless, it made me realize how short life is and how we fool ourselves into thinking we have enough time to accomplish all there is to accomplish and do all there is to do. I sounded like Mr. Matthews.

From the looks of the new tumor that had popped up, things on the horizon weren't all sunshiny and hopeful. It made me wonder what the ultimate point was of her maintaining regular routine. She should live her life, while she can, without rules or restrictions or fears. Sticking to the norm was robbing her of life. It was robbing her of her freedom.

That was the logical reasoning behind my decision.

And I also realized, thinking about my previous problems with Margaret and soul-sucking people like her, I honestly had nothing to complain about. Because those graves I had dug myself.

"Cole!"

Hearing her voice didn't even grate on my nerves; not really. I just couldn't help but think how much Grace would probably prefer to be in my situation, battling a living girl instead of a cancerous tumor, having a chance rather than knowing the end was inevitable.

"Cole! Hey, how are you doing?"

I shoved some books into my locker. "Fine, Margie. How are you?"

"Great!"

Three . . . Two . . . One . . .

"So I was wondering-"

There it was. "Not interested."