Don't Let Me Go - Wont Be Completed For A While!!

Chapter Three; Only Way Out.

I run home from school, crying in embarrasment. This has been the worst day of my life. I just dont see why Niall would lie, I mean you dont lie about the one you love? 20 minutes later i'm home, i wipe my eyes before going indoors, i cant let my mum see me like this. She'd move me to a different school straight away.. and believe it or not i want to stay. I need to find out why Niall would betray me like he has, and my teacher Mr Penn always knows what to say, and he never brings my parents into anything which i really appreciate. 

I have shared everything about my family to Mr Penn, and always told him my problems and every time he's helped me get through them. Knowing that he wont tell my mum is very important though.. and theres a reason why. One year ago my dad died, he was fighting cancer for 6 years before finally his body couldn't take it any more and it shut down. I was extremely close to my dad, closer to him than with my mum. And when my dad died my mum had a major breakdown, this broke my heart to watch.My mum is now an alcoholic due to the death of my dad. Although she is now super protective over me, to make sure i'm safe she also cant help me if im not. When she drinks every day its impossible to get her to listen and respond.

After looking in the front window of my house, wiping  away the mascara that had run from my eyes I went inside. I didnt know if the school had rung but i was hoping Mr Penn would have for me, coming up with some exuse as to why i was home. Thankfully he had, he just told my mum that i had thrown up at school because i was a bit dehydrated. My mum just gave me a hug and told me that she hoped i was ok, trying to avoid a deep conversation that may lead to me crying i make out i need to be sick and run up stairs.

I hurried to the bathroom and locked the door behind me. All my emotions built up and i just broke down. I sat down on the cold ground and in my head all the words i had been called today went round my head. But one thing that was said stuck in my head.. " I wish you was dead " . Did they really hate me that much, for kissing someone who i loved and who loved me back?

I stumble to my feet and walk over to the sink, looking at my reflection in the mirror. Why was a born? Im worthless. Nobody likes me anymore and nobody loves me. I'm a fuck up.. everything i love i lose. Thinking about if i did die, no one would miss me? Maybe its what i'm meant to do? 

No, i couldn't, i dont know how? and what if i tried to kill myself and failed, what if my mum found me? knowing i tried to end my life. There must be another way out, but what? The tears stream down my face. My eyes becoming blood shot and face becoming red from the tears. I need a way out, i cant feel like this forever. I need something to stop my stress. But i dont know what can?..

i finally unlock the bathroom and peek outside to see if my mum was waiting for me. Luckily she wasn't. I grab my i-pad and unplug it from my charger. As i carry it to my bedroom i go onto my instagram, hoping someone might know how to relieve stress. As i open my page i have 100 notifications. What 100? i only have 60 followers.. I sit down on the toilet seat and begin to read through the mentions and comments. I felt sick reading through what some of the people had to say about me. How could they? I dont even know half these people.

As i scroll down the comments it all becomes a blur. I was already use to the comments they were writing. But then one stood out from the rest. It was from Niall.. 

* I hope your starting to realise the consequences for kissing someone elses boyfriend. How could you, you slut. Well now at least everyone knows what your like and can stay away. I hope i never see you again. You stupid whore. *

this broke my heart more than anything. I would never of guessed that, sweet, cute, adorbale, down to earth, perfect Niall could do this. How could i let myself fall in love with this boy?

As i looked around the room for something to help calm me down, i see a blade. I pick my fragile body up and walk over to it. It was small but very sharp. Could this work? or was i just being stupid?! I take the blade delicately between my fingers and roll up my blazer sleeve on my other arm. Staring at my arm i questioned whether i should really do this? I mean this is the only way out right? i pushed the blade onto my arm, the other side of my elbow and begin to cut. The pain brings a tear to my eye but also relief. As i move down my arm the cuts are getting deeper and deeper.. and i begin to zone out. I dont realise what i'm doing. I cut and cut and cut, i finally reach my wrist. At the rate i was going i was going to kill myself. I knew if i cut the vein deep enough i would die. I wasnt trying to die but i wasn't focusing. I was just thinking about how much this is helping me. When i finally reach the vein i beginning to slice, harshly and deeply. A quarter of a way in i begin to zone back in. I look down out my arm covered in blood. STOP.

i couldn't do it. As much as i wanted to i couldn't..

 At least not yet.

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sorry this is a bit depressing, i dont cut and never have so i hope you can still relate if you do. Sorry this is more of a depressing story so far but i feel its easier to write being sad than happy?! haha

anyways hoep you enjoy, 

Chloe :) x