L'Appel du Vide (Nocebo Effect P3)

suburban moms comin 4 ya neck

Everything should have been okay, but it is not, and now I am absolutely terrified out of my mind, because this was supposed to be a fantastic morning with the love of my life clutched in my arms after a night of the tumultuous movie called the Dead Poets Society, which both of us thoroughly enjoyed besides the suicide of the plot, and after that scene passed over us like sheep in a restless child's mind, we tasked ourselves with forgetting it to instead only remember how it feels to be clasped in each other's embrace, but now Dallon's mother is bursting through the door frantically and stumbling upon a sight that she knew she would find eventually, and it was all just a matter of time really, and Dallon and I both recognized this, yet we did absolutely nothing about it, and we should have been more careful.

We should have hidden our relationship from Dallon's bigoted parents like millions of kids do every day, except they have more of a difficult time than we do, because some of them have to hide their identity from everyone, whereas Dallon's parents are the main culprit right now, but we're still caught in the crossfire of their inconsolable homophobia, and we should have foreseen this chain of events unfolding in front of us in the current moment, in the sunlight dashing through the blinds to promise that today is a good day, but alas, that is a lie.

Dallon and I could have stowed away our relationship from his parents, but we didn't, and now we're being punished for it. We could have slept in separate beds, because there are two twin mattresses in his room for my use, and it's just that mundane to do, but we ignored that to be rogue instead, and rogue we were, but we were foolish about it. We could have elected to remain in America, where it is still bigoted but also where we will receive the most amount of acceptance and none of the hatred from Dallon's parents, and that would be all right for me, because I'm sure Kara would understand why we needed to stay in our home city, as she loves Dallon, and she loves me, and there are always other opportunities to travel to France, even opportunities with the person she wanted to go with the most. We could have only looked at each other as friends or professionals might, and though his parents may be suspicious of the authoritarian personalities we guard around each other, it would be better than being caught by people who could throw us out of the house or fucking disown the son whom they have raised since his birth by their own choice, not his, and since it was their choice, then it is their duty to protect him without complaints, without the molding age of something like cheese or other perishable items. And as much as I hate to say it, we could have never kissed in the first place, back in the main bathroom that reeked of cleaning products scrubbed violently against the alabaster tile as if it will never be clean as long as it is whole, because the world has a knack of claiming the perfect things to be immoral and sordid and not worthy of anyone's time when, in fact, they are the most charming out of them all, and Dallon is the most charming out of them all, yet we made a mistake by falling back in love when maybe that spirit never died anyway, but we can't play with fire when the fuel of amnesia is heavily present in the closed quarters of our hearts, or else a conflagration will erupt in places we once held dear to us for being our only safe havens. I don't want that, but that prospect is what is coming on this trail, because we failed. We fucking failed at keeping the only secret worth keeping, and now Dallon's mother is at my neck scouring my eyes for an explanation as to how I could be so audacious by corrupting her son, a son whom she never even loved as she should have, and I have loved him more than she ever has, so how did I corrupt him when her motherly care (or lack thereof) was the one that withdrew him from family pictures, the one that made him terrified of asking for help or guidance or the affection that she allotted the people around her, the one that sent him away in a lie to protect a mother's ego? I am doing nothing wrong, but Dallon's mom is tugging me out of the door as she slams it against her son so that he cannot witness the events preparing to take place, and as much as this pains me, I have to do it for Dallon. I'm not going back.