A Spark of Hope

Chapter Five: Manipulation

Carron hated feeling controlled. It brought up feelings of anger. She accelerated, and her bike sprang into action, speeding down the windy road faster. She was an adult now, why couldn't people around her see that. How long would it be until she would be able to say no? How long until she was allowed to be her own person without dirt from her past being thrown at her. She stopped at a stop street and subconsciously revved her bike hard. When she pulled off, she let out the clutch a little too fast and sped away from the stop street on her back tire. The anger was welling up inside her feeding her adrenaline as the bike flew up the narrow road.

When she arrived home, she revved a few times. She climbed off the bike and barely had her helmet off when she was greeted by an ecstatic Mother, "Congratulations honey! You have been accepted into Bible College! I'm so proud of you."

"Fantastic," Carron pulled out from the hug and walked to the TV room. She plonked down next to her dad, who had also just gotten home moments before she had. Her helmet bounced on the couch. She let it fall to the ground along with her bag.

"Why so glum? This is a big day for you. We should celebrate."

"Dad, I don't want to go to Bible College. Bad things happen there. I want to get my degree. You put down a significant deposit for me, and I intend on studying and moving forwards with my life."

"Don't worry about the deposit. I'm sure with one of my contacts; I'll get it back. You can't judge this school by one incident that took place last year."

"Common dad, who commits adultery at Bible College?"

"The man had issues, and he wasn't happy in his marriage."

"That gives him no reason and no excuse to have an affair. One should be keen to learn God's word and exercise self-control."

"And you, don't you want to find out more about God's word?"

"I can do that on my own, at home. I don't need to go to some Bible College to do it."

"Carron, do you realize how much it took for the leaders to come to an agreement to let you in?"

"Quite some convincing," interrupted Mommy.

"Is that what Pastor Blake told you?" Carron looked at her Mother in disbelief. "Let me tell you the truth of what truly happened. Pastor Blake has not only been insulting me and judging me for the past year that I have been volunteering there, but he has also been throwing my past in my face. He won't let me forget it. Then today, he tells me I will go to Bible College. He said I am not good enough to work anywhere else but there. That no one will want me working for them, knowing my past."

Mom and dad looked at each other. "Honey, I'm sure he only has your best interests at heart. Maybe you miss understood him."

Carron folded her arms in disagreement and focused her attention on the TV.

That was the end of the discussion.

The week after that, Carron was officially a Bible student. Pastor Blake was the lecturer. Carron had a difficult time being there. No matter how hard she studied, she failed every test. She would recite Bible verses, chapters by heart, but still Pastor Blake would fail her. She was regularly punished for things she didn't do. She spent hours in the garden pulling out thorns and weeds with her bare hands. When evening came, her hands would be bleeding and full of blisters. Pastor Blake had put a rule in place, that no students were allowed vehicles of their own, so she had to walk to church and back afterward, adding injury to her already fuming mind.

Her mom and dad didn't understand her challenges with Pastor Blake and kept saying, "We're sure he knows what he's doing honey, just press through."

After a few months, Carron was told she is moving out of her parent's house and into the hostel with the rest of the students. With great sadness, she packed her stuff up at home and moved in. She would miss her bike as occasionally she took it out for a ride, just to get out and let loose. She did most of her healing and thinking while on the road.

Carron still had trust issues, especially when it came to men. Sharing a house with mixed men and woman was scarier than jumping out of an airplane.

Everyone was given equal duties that would rotate from week to week, but for weeks, Carron's duties never changed. She was always in charge of scrubbing the bathroom and toilets. She had to single handily mow the lawn and rake up leaves in the massive garden. This activity took up her whole Saturday week after week.

A few months after staying in the hostel, one of the girls fell pregnant and both she and the man were expelled. On a missionary trip abroad, Carron awoke one evening to find one of her friends in bed with her, her breasts being fondled. Carron pushed her away, jumped out of bed and switched the light on, "What the hell do you think you are doing?"

"Awe Carron, you cannot tell me you don't like that. I haven't had sex in months, and I hear you're the right person to give it."

Carron went white, "Who told you that? No, wait, Pastor Blake right?"

"What does it matter, come back to bed and give me some."

"Are you mad? You are a child of God. You cannot behave like this!"

"Why not? God will just forgive me anyway, so I can do what I want."

"No, you can't!"

"Carron, Bible College is where one gets all the action. Why else would anyone in their sane mind, join?"

"I was forced. It was not my choice! Get out of my bed and go back to yours. I'm warning you, don't you dare come near me again!"

The next day Carron told her team leader what happened. Mia, of course, denied everything and Carron was let off with a behavioral warning. From then onwards, things were strained between her and her classmates. Days blurred into each other.

She was used to getting the lowest grades despite the amount of hours she studied. She was convinced she was being failed on purpose. She watched her classmates succeed and get award after award. Most afternoons she got into trouble for something mostly lies made up by the students and the end of the year, she was the only student who didn't graduate, the only student who failed miserably.

One positive thing came from all of this, though, Carron had fallen in love. It was the thought of Gabriel that kept her going through all the difficult times she faced.