Confused Hearts

Confused Hearts: Chapter Three

The next days of my life went horrible. Those days became lonelier -- more lifeless. The whole thing became useless. The old Anastacia -- the jolly and in love one -- is gone. For once, I thought that I'm already dead. I hate school now. Though, I'm still trying my best to pass their fucking useless tests. If studying isn't that important, I'd definitely forget about it. Yeah, you heard those bullshits. This is my life -- it sucks, without Julian.

There came a night that I've watched Pink's music video of Perfect. I saw the girl cut her wrist with a blade. That was fantastic for me. I grabbed a blade from my sewing kit. I wanna know if the blade's really sharp. So, I made a little cut on my thumb. Aw! It's really sharp, very sharp. I was about to cut my wrist when my phone rang. Ugh, it's a message from Lara saying:

Hey Bestie! Know what? My family and I will be going to Australia next week! Gosh.

I am so excited! Haha. You wanna join us? Just call me if you want. Btw, hope that

you're happy today. Don't ever ever try to cut yourself with a blade! xoxo.

Whoa. Did she knew what I am about to do? She's my best friend, I can't let her down. I dropped the blade on the floor and cried. My thumb is still bleeding. Wonderful.

~ ~ ~

It's Monday and everybody's talking about something. They're all whispering and chattering with each other. I'm totally out-of-place. They all suck. The teacher came in and we all met a transferee. Perhaps, he is.

" Good morning everyone! I am Andrew West and I am from Singapore. Please do call me Drew."

He smiled to everyone after introducing himself. He's tall, dark and a bit skinny. He has wide black eyes -- they're cute and really mesmerizing. He sat next to me, Julian's seat before. I was surprised. I looked at him with a strange look, that is when his eyes went straight with mine. I didn't expect that thing. But he just smiled at me. I felt delighted, I love his funny smile. It's so true.

~ ~ ~

It was lunch time when he asked for my name.

" Hello! I am Drew and I guess that you already know that. What's your name?"

"I am Anastacia. Nice to meet you."

"Same here. You know, you're pretty.. "

I was surprised that's why I looked at him when he paused.

" .. but you're getting ugly whenever you frown. Tell me the reason behind those disappointing frowns."

That line is very very familiar. There's a person who always say that whenever he notices a frown on my face. It's Julian. I smiled, then.

" No need to know why. Drew. Sorry.. but I wanna keep the whole thing private. "

I walked away from him, hiding the tears that had just rolled on my face. I just met him, so why should I tell him about that thing? He'll be curious and sooner or later, he'll be asking and asking questions. I don't wanna bring the whole pain back.

I went home alone at dismissal. I opened my bag and saw a green colored paper folded into half. I was about to throw it for I thought it is a trash, when I noticed a note inside. 

Sorry for asking the reason behind those frowns, Ms. Private. I am just curious and know what? You need to smile everyday! You'll feel happy by smiling. Why don't you try it? ALWAYS SMILE! :) - Mr. Drew, the curious.

Crap. He wrote a not for me? He alloted a lot of effort to put this stuff inside my bag, secretly. Amazing. He really wanna know the whole thing.

~ ~ ~

We had MAPEH class the next day. We're on baseball now, and I hate to play this crap. Julian and I are used to watch Baseball games before. I don't want to remember it anymore. Since the teacher's not around, I went to the garden and climbed at one of the trees. Peaceful and quiet. All I can hear is the chirping of birds. I love to be alone. 

But then, I saw Drew climbing at the tree in front of me. What the hell is he doing here?

" Hello! You love to be alone? Ugh. Too bad, I'm here now. So, you're no longer alone." He smiled.

I was about to go down and walk away but he spoke.

" Oops! Don't ever try to walk away again. That shows disrespect. Why? You don't wanna talk to me?"

" No. I wanna be alone. And alone, and alone. Get it? So, go down there, or I will. "

" I get it. I just don't understand some things about you. It seems that you hate the whooooooooole world! What's that thing that keeps you from hating the world?"

" As I said, I wanna keep everything private! You don't need to care! And excuse me, I'm not a world-hater. I am a life-hater."

"Whoa. That is so horrible. I care because... Alright. I'm going now. But always remember, I'm always here. Incase you changed the status of everything, from private to public. "

What? He's insane. Yeah. He shouldn't care about me. I'm not his friend or anything, just his classmate. I wanna shut his mouth. Damn.

~ ~ ~

It's lunch time and I guess that he's gonna say something to me and that will be really annoying. And yeah, he did.

" Hi. You're alone again, Ms. Life-Hater."

" Yeah, Mr. Annoying!" Oops! Did I said annoying? Haha.

" Whoa. That was harsh, miss. Am I so much annoying now? I'm just trying to make you smile."

"You don't feel that you're so annoying to me? oh. You're stupid, dude. Now, I'm telling you so that you'll understand. YOU'RE SO S-T-U-P-I-D AND A-N-N-O-Y-I-N-G. Stupid and annoying! " I shouted.

" Stupid and annoying. Well, thank you. I'm just trying to help but then you're so mean when you talk to me. Thanks. I'll never forget that."

He walked away from me that time. Gosh. I think I've hurted him with my words. I am so mean, I feel so guilty about it.