Story so far (Akashi Seijuro)

Chapter 19

Another late upload. Hehehe

you see, i changed my pen name. :)

so here we go,

review pls...

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The moment I heard his words, I already understood it. But pretended that I didn't. Even to my own head, I lied and refused to accept it.

I know. I know.

"Get this clearly inside your mind Izumi. I am not going to marry you."

And with that, he made it very clear.

When it was said like that, it became too hard to contradict the message.

There could be no other meaning aside from the very sentence it self and that was...He will not marry me.

Why?

I wanted to ask but I knew that begging him to stop would be the best thing to do. That it might or could save everything, yet, he continued and left.

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My lips was shaking as well as my hands. As I stood in front of my door at the hotel, I fought with my strength to unlock the door.

I went to my bed quickly and curled my body like a ball as I hugged my knees so tight.

Was that it? What should i do? Accept his decision as always?

Do I have to pretend that it was all okay? But, how am I suppose to pretend that I don't want and love him anymore? As these thoughts circled my head, there was this painful sensation in my chest that was as if squeezing my heart, my body...just everything.

And I thought that if I kept on hoping and wanting him. If I lied to myself for long enough, then, he would feel the same.

I was wrong.

He was selfish, so selfish...I hated it. Why did I fell so hard?

Tears begged to pour again and before I knew it, I fell asleep.

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I was probably asleep for almost 3 or 4 hours.

When i opened my eyes, darkness was already filing my room.

The curtains were opened but it was still dark and that made me realized, the day passed by just like that and it was already evening.

I sat up and stared at the empty space in my front.

I wished everything was just a dream, that what he said was just an example of my nightmare but the fact that my eyes were swollen hinted that it was not. Everything was real, he and I, we were over - that was for him.

About me? I had no idea what to do. I knew I was too clingy but I still wanted him with me.

I stood up and decided to stroll outside and breath some air, hoping it might ease up this sadness.

The continuous electricity post at the sidewalk accompanied me as I walked at this uncrowded street with this coldness brought by the cold air.

How many months had passed since I first came here with nothing but a thought of having a marriage with someone I didn't know?