My self problems

The ache

You ever get that feeling of your heart just shattering into a million pieces in just 3 seconds? This is how I feel 80% of the day all because of me I can't blame her for the ways I feel it's all my fault I already know I start things that I can't Finnish and I ask things I don't want the answer too because I know it's not what I want to hear. Just when she says I am the same kid I was before just hurts me she doesn't understand what in going through u want her to help me but how she's mad at me when I get those feelings and I can't just tell her neither you may think that she would apologize and help me out through it but no she'll blame me and tell me what I did and say it's all my fault. It's sad how the one and only person that I have is the main one that hurts me. I can't do anything about it I love her even if she thinks bad about or does things to get me jealous I really love her even though she treats me like this but I'm starting to believe that I deserve this treatment from her. Sometimes the heart ache is so strong that my arms get shaky and my chest starts to hurt and this is what life is about isn't it? I don't know it's what I think at least.