I ran my fingers through the guitar strings…
And started writing the new lyrics I’ve come up with.
But somehow, something not right.
I feel like a big part of me is missing and I couldn’t seem to think accurately.
I really haven’t gotten over him.
Do I love him that much?
That even until now that a year has passed, I haven’t seen someone new?
That every song is still about him, every word, every lyric and every beat of my heart still belongs to him?
I have to forget.
Forget it ever happened.
Forget that once upon a time I’ve fallen in love with a boy named Jin Ernshaw.
Its half past eleven and I should be getting some sleep.
The rain is pouring hard outside my window. I almost didn’t want to close it because of the cold. I like the cold ‘coz it numbs the pain.
You might be wondering why I’m in pain right now.
It’s because of him.
He left me.
Just days after he promised that he’ll be with me forever.
Hours after giving me this damn necklace.
And he even had the guts to kiss me.
He was cruel enough to tell me he loved me, which was why he was leaving.
What was the problem?
Was he scared that he would hurt me?
Not knowing that this hurt much worse?
Or is there some other girl?
Another girl who’s better, prettier and smarter than me?
Well, I don’t have anything to fight with but couldn’t he at least tell me that?
Or he just really didn’t love me enough, or not at all.
It’s just so unfair.
We’ve been together for four months. Yes. It’s a bit short. But so what?
Love isn’t measured by how long you’ve been together. It’s about the depth and sincerity of that love you’re feeling for each other. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been holding hands, how many kisses you’ve had, how many times you’ve slept together. It’s about the feeling you that you never want to let that person go. It’s about wishing you never had to break that kiss, and it’s about waking up every morning, thanking God for this wonderful blessing that has his arms around you.
The tears started to fall. I’m tired of wiping them. ‘Coz it’s no use. They are just going to keep coming back.
I’m not going to school tomorrow. I’m going to spend my whole day writing songs.
I fell onto my bed and let sleep take over me.
I heard sirens wailing… people screaming…tear-stained cheeks…sad blue eyes…
Whoa.
It was just a dream.
I’m so glad it’s over.
It’s like the dream sucked all the life out of me.
It was just too intense.
I never want to experience anything like that again.
“Reign, are you all right?” My mom, Alicia suddenly at the door, asks.
“Yeah, Mom, I’m okay. It was just some stupid dream.”
She approached me and touched my face gently.
“Honey, he’s gone… I know it’s hard but you have to forget about him. He’s not worth it. You don’t deserve someone like him.” Mom didn’t know how much those words hurt. Because the way I’m hearing it, it’s like: “You’re not worth it. You don’t deserve him. Period.”
“I know, Mom. Really, It’s nothing.”
“Okay, Honey, Breakfast is ready downstairs. If you’re hungry you can eat without waiting for the others.”
I didn’t feel like eating, so…
“I’ll wait for them. I’m not that hungry.”
She beamed. “Good girl.”
Thank God I was raised by a great mother.
Or else I would have been slashing my wrists for all the depression I’ve been suffering.
When I was downstairs, I counted the people coming down.
“Mom , I want a lot of butter on my pancakes.” Florence says, one.
“Hey, Reign!” Theodore, two.
“Mom! I can’t fine my tie. Oh hi, Reign.” I smiled at Jackson. Three.
Then my dad is walking down the stairs. Four.
Debbie and Nelly come down holding hands, Six
Mom helped them with their school and work stuff and let me be.
I got a pancake and some blueberries.
Even my favorite breakfast couldn’t make me smile.
“So, Reign, are you going to school today?” Dad asks.
“Nope.”
“Why not? You’ve been out of school for a week. People are going to think you don’t want to come back to class. What’s the problem, sweetie. You could tell me.” His big brown eyes were concerned.
“It’s just that…” I had to make something up fast. “I’ve been having this massive toothache for the past few days, it stops but comes back soon after.” Whew.
“Oh, Okay then. Let your mom take you to the dentist and have that checked.”
“Yes, Daddy.” Wow, I really didn’t think I would slip that easily.
When breakfast was over and all of my brothers and sisters were gone, Mom talked to me.
“Reign, you didn’t have to lie to your dad about it.”
“But Mom, he’s gonna be mad if I tell him the truth, Especially at Jin.”
“Oh Reign, Haven’t you listened to anything I said earlier?” Oh great, now she’s upset.
“I have, it just doesn’t work right away, you know. Don’t worry. After we go to the ‘dentist’ I’ll go shopping with Camilla. Is that okay?”
“Great, I’ll get ready and you should, too.”
“Sure.”
I ran upstairs and into my bedroom and took a quick shower. Then I was singing at the top of my lungs and playing air guitar.
What the?
I haven’t sung in the shower for like, years.
Am I finally…?
No.
It can’t be.
I just dreamed about him last night.
It can’t be that easy.
Why does it seem like I could forget about him but I just couldn’t let this go?
