Can't Let Go

The Funeral: part two

Before Jacob could say anything Todd came back in, " the car is here, and people are starting to show up. Jacob come help me take the coffins out." Jacob just looked at me for a second then left, soon people started showing up everyone sending glares at me. I didn't care anymore I just want to get though this, Todd and Jacob came back with the coffins and set them in the living room.  One by one people went to say their goodbyes, all crying or just look broken but they have no idea how much it actually hurts. It was my turn to say goodbye, slowly I started walking up there when someone grabbed my hand and turned me around.
     "Where do you think you're going! You don't deserve to say goodbye, they're dead because of you!" My mom whispered at me harshly so others won't see what's happening. "I don't care what you think, I need to say goodbye!" I tried to pull my hand free but she just tightened her hand, " please let me go, I have to say goodbye." Bye now tears were running down my face. "No you will go up to your room and not come out. Do I make my self clear." My mom started to drag me to the stairs, I just kept onthrashing this will be the last time I can say goodbye. She didn't take me to my room she took me to the attic, it's the only door that locks from the outside.
She threw the door open and shoved me to the ground, before I can at least try to get up I felt her heel on my waist. She put pressure on the heel pushing me further into the ground. "You will get your punishment for causing a scene out there later, now I have to get back and if make a noise your punishment will be worse." With that she turned and went out the door, locking it so I won't get out. I get up and start banging on the door I don't care about my punishment I need to say bye, " please let me out! I need to say sorry, I need their forgiveness!!!" I stop banging at the door when my hands start to hurt, I just fall to the ground and curl up into a ball.
I can't believe it I lost my chance to say sorry.... To say goodbye. If it weren't for me they would still be here, they would be hugging me making me laugh. I'm so sorry dad you deserve to be here not me, Ryder.... It's all my fault I'm so sorry.
After what seemed like forever I heard people start to leave, I was hoping that my mom would come and let me say goodbye after everyone left. Soon I heard footsteps coming upstairs, my hope and fear both went up when I heard someone unlock the door. "You made a lot of noise when I told you not to!" Then came the pain on my right side of my face. She pushed me to the ground and started to kick me over and over, " please, stop I can't handle the pain anymore." I screamed.
She stopped and just stood there, maybe she will see it's not my fault. But just in case I scooted away, my mom let out a scream and grabbed what is closest to her. Which unfortunately for me was my dad's old baseball bat, she started swinging at me while screaming. "You killed them!" Swing after swing she wouldn't stop, I started to see darkness cloud my vision. I just gave in and let darkness take me.