I don't know what to think. I don't know if I'm even real. Who am I? That's irrelevant for now. All I can tell you is that this is my story.
I was born in the late 90's in a pretty big city to my parents. I was a happy baby, always smiling and laughing. I had a lot of allergies too when I was growing up. It has always been a touchy subject to me, not getting to eat what I want without having the risk of me suffocating. Oh well! This is my life!
My little brother was born almost a year later, he was the complete opposite of me: social, confident and great at school. He was the golden boy and I was the artfreak. I didn't realize how different we were until he started middle school. Like I said, he was the golden boy. Me on the other hand?
I was the shy, lonely, artsy kind of girl.
I didn't have many friends when I was in school. I was bullied, both mentally and physically throughout my whole middle school.
I had five best friends, but I still felt lonely when I was around them. They mocked me for being so forgetful and geeky. So I guess they weren't that good friends, but they still were my friends, until 7th grade started at least. Then they started avoiding me and talking shit about me behind my back when they thought I couldn't hear them.
When you have been bullied, the scars that the people who have hurt you, they never fade away completely. Yes, they do heal, but they never ever go away.
I started getting depressed at the age of fourteen, I even considered committing suicide. Well obviously I didn't kill myself but I was close to actually doing it. I mean really close. And no, I didn't cut myself. I was afraid that my parents would find out and freak out.
But anyways,I started getting depressed three years ago. The first time I got help, I was sixteen, about a year ago from today. Completely broken, everything was breaking and falling apart. My boyfriend had broken up with me, I was starting to freak about my future and I was in a really shitty place. Nothing mattered, I spent the whole summer sleeping and watching videos online. But there was a person who lighted up my life a bit. My best friend (and currently the love of my life and boyfriend). I would not be here without him. When I felt like shit, he played me Green day songs on his guitar, (my favourite was 21 guns) and he gave me the energy and hope that I so desperately needed. Even though he was 200 miles away, he somehow knew how to make me feel better. Sometimes when I was crying he would just say "everything will be okay, I promise."
And he kept that promise. And I'm beyond grateful for that.
Now I'm going regularly to a psychologist and I had an intensive treatment program a couple weeks ago for my moderate depression and anxiety. After three exhausting, sad and crazy years, I got help.
I hope that this shitty story of my life helped you in some way.
If you need help, don't be afraid to ask for it. People will listen. You deserve the help that you need. And honey, it will be okay eventually. I promise.
