Revival of Creativity

How I See APH America

All my life, they let me know what I wouldn't - couldn't - do during my time.

"Your country will fall."

Shut up!

"Stupid Americans, all they do is eat. No wonder they never do anything worthwhile!"

I thought you were my family. I guess I was wrong then.

I don't really care though. I should be depressed, suicidal even, according to most. But I just feel numb. No pain, happiness, sadness, fear...

It's like a monster, trying to take control as it grows. It bides it's time patiently, waiting for the perfect moment, slowly making small appearances everyday. Everything I say and do is becoming an act.

"America, it's stupid to try and change the world."

I'm going to. Watch me.

"We have more experience - listen to us, you silly boy."

But do you have the experience to run my nation? Americans act different than you tend think. Especially when alone. Would you like to try running my people? They don't always deal well with being told what to do~.

"America, that's idiotic! You're plan will never work!"

"Oui, it's, how you say, unrealistic."

I've never followed your idea of a 'good plan' but most of them worked out well. Though I did have some mistakes, you have too. Don't deny it.

"I said I was sorry about that. Let the past stay in the past."

I apologize, but I simply cannot. You hurt me and, more importantly, my people. I can never forgive you for that, no matter what you do. I don't feel anything - as mentioned before - so don't expect any regret.

Really, if you're oh-so-tired of me and my crap, why don't you get rid of me? Or are you lazier than me? At least I take action when I don't agree with something. Besides, you've already destroyed me inside, how about outside as well? Complete the job already.

I could change - I guess - if you asked me to. I wouldn't talk so much, or spout such 'idiotic' ideas. Hm. I like the sound of that. Though it would destroy who I 'am'.

It would destroy everything I pretend to be really.

I already hide my damaged self below my mask anyway, so what would pretending more hurt? Unless you want to see the true me? Honestly I'm just trying to be what England wished I would turn into during the Colony Days. A hero.

I assume I failed at that, too?

However, this would cause me to not let go of more history. Like the burning of the White House. Nine-eleven. Pearl Harbor.

What? I'm just stating facts. That's what you guys want - need - to hear, right?

This, of course, would lead to my demise. Though I know all of you will celebrate the day the world's greatest superpower disappeared. I always believed the end of the world would follow up closely after my death, you know? Tell me if I was right, if I don't live long enough.

I don't care enough to change this world anymore - not if they all want me dead. Even if that's not the case, they could show it a bit more and then maybe I wouldn't be so closed off.

I'm not stupid - I know what I see and what I'm doing. That's all I need, other than hearing. Take me seriously, I'm an independent nation for crying out loud.

All of you will listen to what I say after I fall. It's happened so much - too much - in history. We all tried not to repeat any mistakes - though if you guys do, you tend to point the blame on me. Who'll you put blame on after I'm dead, huh? I wonder...

Don't expect me to happy to see you after death. I'm never letting go of what you did, even if I do accept your help currently. I don't accept things from many of you unless for trade but that doesn't count.

Canada, I'm talking to you. I'm counting on you to carry my legacy, alright? But do it better than I did. That'll be easy for you, since you're the 'perfect', 'innocent' one that would never betray their family, even though they did in the end. To the younger brother, too. How sad...

Am I dead yet? It feels like it, but I know I'm not. If I was, I'd see Amelia right now. Really, my only hope - not a wish - is that you remember in full. Good times and bad, all of it. Don't leave anything out like they did with Aaron Burr, alright?

It was also brought to my attention you don't remember me falling - ever. Well, I did. During the Great Depression. That was my nation side though. My human side fell during the War of 1812 when Canada - my older brother, who I really did look up to - attacked my capitol, nearly killing me in the process. Matt, you've been struck in your capitol as well. Though, back then you had France's shoulder to cry on. You still do, and who do I have? No one.

Bro, I felt like curling up - giving up - all because my brother hated me. The one I really wanted to be like stabbed me in the back by their own free will. I just wanted to die then. No one was there to comfort me, or even talk to me unless it was trade related. That was when I decided I didn't care about others.

You changed me. And I hate changing unless by my own free will. Do you care? I don't think you do.

"You didn't help enough!"

I'm in debt to you right now! Excuse me, Princess, but money doesn't just appear when you need it.

"Fat."

I am, I can't argue with that. But how much of it is muscle and how much is actual fat?

"America-"

Is never good enough. I know. I'm horrible; I should go die; I'm not needed. I've heard it all. I don't know how you still believe your opinion holds a place in my thoughts other than to annoy me until I eventually snap.

That day is not today, however, and so I sit quietly, listening vaguely to the arguing people gathered in this World Conference. Maybe I'll snap tomorrow and show everyone my true colors?