First in a new series :) thanks to misspendragon27 for giving these to me :)
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1. Remind him every five minutes "The dragon wants to know when you're setting him free, Merlin."
2. Pat him on the shoulder and say "There, there Merlin. It's not your fault that Cedric is a better servant than you are."
3. Tell him you know the flowers were actually for Arthur, not Morgana (that was just a cover story).
4. Ask him if he was sad when Arthur rejected his offer of a hug.
5. Say to a bunch of onlookers "Hey, look, guess who I am!" Hold out your hand and say one of Merlin's spells. Then go "Oh, wait, you're not supposed to know he's a wizard..." Wear a red neckerchief so it's obvious you're being Merlin.
6. Call him a sausage stealer.
7. Tell him he should have given Arthur the kiss of life instead of using his neckerchief to drip the potion into Arthur's mouth.
8. Tell him you know what he was really trying to tell us when he hid in that closet!
9. Tell him it's a real shame that the one girl he fell for turned out to be a giant cat beast.
10. Ask him if he's given Freya her Whiskas yet
11. Ask him if he got a perverse thrill out of hiding under Arthur's bed.
12. Tell him Gwen's got some dresses if he wants to borrow them sometimes...after all, purple is totally his colour...
13. Offer him a poppadom.
14. Wait until he's running Arthur's bath again and Arthur is coming out in nothing but a towel and then run up behind and either shout "What a sweet married couple! Go on Merlin, test the water with your elbow like a good husband!" OR "Merlin wants you to drop the towel Arthur!" Run away quickly.
15. Ask him if he's going to run off into the woods with Morgana and have a Druid wedding. For added effect suggest they adopt Mordred as their child, then add "But keep him away from Arthur..."
16. Bring the words "There's just no pleasing you sometimes, is there?" into as many conversations with Merlin as possible.
17. When you see Arthur with Guinevere and see Merlin notice, say to him loudly – "Aw, don't worry Merlin, you're just as pretty as she is!"
18. When you're in a room with Morgana, Arthur and Guinevere, say loudly, and point theatrically in a random direction, saying "Oh my God, look at that!" When all three turn to look, say in a stage whisper to Merlin "Okay, you can use your magic now Merlin!"
19. In response to every argument he picks with you, say "Well, at least I didn't fall in love with a mythical beast!"
20. Ask him if he's modelling that brown satchel, cause he's a poser with it.
22. Clap your forehead to your head like you've just realised something, and turn to Merlin. "I just realised something – altering smoke with magic in open daylight, means other people might see you!" *extremely pointed look at Merlin*
23.Run up to Merlin in front of everyone and say loudly "Merlin, Morgana's sleeping through the night now she's got that bracelet! So if you want to perve on her, she won't wake up!"
24. Call him a clotpole constantly. Tell him you're just testing it out if he asks why.
25. Tell him you tried to count the number of awkward sexual tension moments between him and Arthur over series 2, but you lost count.
26. Ask him if he was secretly a little bit turned on when Arthur dragged him out of the court and away from Aredian like that...
27. Ask him if he knows what Hoyay is.
28. Tell him you know that he must be going to see the dragon about relationship advice, because after all, he never takes its advice about magic and destiny.
29. Ask him if he's killed Voldemort yet.
30. Tell him you're so pleased he met Freya "...because, after all, after 20 episodes of Merlin with no romance for you, people were beginning to question your sexuality."
31. Tell him to clean your leech tank, scrub your boots, clean the floor, make dinner, stop the king from marrying a troll, muck out the stables, stop staring at Lady Catrina's cleavage, run Arthur's bath, save Gwen from bandits, ensure Arthur's destiny remains intact...
32. Command him to kiss Arthur. Say Gaius wants him to do it...in the name of...science?
33. Tell him you think he's getting a bit too good at the old breaking and entering, and if he's not careful he'll slip into criminality.
34. Take to speaking in cryptic riddles, like the dragon does.
35. Ask him if he enjoys manhandling all these women – first Freya, and now Vivian.
36. Tell him you know he enjoys teasing Arthur too much.
37. Tell him you know he peeps when Arthur is changing.
38. Ask him what the punishment for homosexuality is in fictional, magical, medieval kingdoms.
39. Tell Merlin he's going to have to pay for Arthur's therapy now he's given him a complex about being fat.
40. Tell him it's a shame Freya died. Why? Cause when she turned into the giant cat he could have ridden her around, to save him walking places.
41. Tell him that jumping into cages with random girls isn't going to make him look so good. Even if he is trying to break them out.
42. Tell him he needs to stop stalking Morgana. Seriously. The whole "Oh I think she's plotting against Uther" is obviously just an excuse to follow her and watch her bathe in the woods.
43. Ask him if he wishes Arthur had climbed his wall with a rose in his mouth to woo him.
44. Sniff the air, then move closer to him and sniff him and say – "I can smell Prince Arthur's scent..."
45. Ask him if he uses his magic to see through Gwen and Morgana's dresses.
46. Ask him if he's too sexy for his red neckerchief.
47. Hand him a long shopping list and tell him the dragon wants him to get these groceries for him.
48. Say to him "You're a good friend, Merlin." Then take a drink, put your hand to your throat and make out you've been poisoned.
49. Ask him if he's been using "erecto" on Arthur again.
50. Tell him he's actually at his most masculine when doing the fierce dragonlord talk. At least his father left him something useful...
Enjoy!
Arthur. P
